Alec Baldwin does not have an anger problem, he has a problem with people accusing him of having an anger problem and if you don’t leave him the fuck alone about it you can say goodbye to your three favorite teeth. Alec recently appeared on Howard Stern, the combination nearly causing a cataclysmic climate event by pumping toxic levels of hot air into the atmosphere, and claimed that he’s not really an angry guy. He realized this while attending his court ordered anger management classes for that parking spot fracas from last November. Turns out, compared to the other rageaholics in his class, Alec thinks he’s a real pussycat.
Alec says he doesn’t sweat the small stuff, unlike some of his classmates who rage when they’re given chopsticks instead of forks. Alec only gets worked up when the lives of his wife and children are in danger. Well, maybe not in physical danger per se, but in danger of having to witness a commoner politely inform Alec that he would like to have the public NYC parking space that Alec was standing near, and then wait for Alec to magnanimously acquiesce, and bow in grateful reverence.
Here’s Alec’s version of events. As you can hear, he was a perfectly rational gentleman about the whole thing, until he wasn’t.
Each and every “fucking numnuts asshole in the world” needs to cut Alec some slack here. He DOES own a parking spot (he just didn’t want to carry all of his and his wife Hilaria’s matching Louis Vuitton luggage down the block). And he DOES have a car and driver (it’s just that Hilaria usually uses it to do Yoga on, but just not that day, because that day she was standing on the curb almost getting parked on!). And he DOES have a neighbor who apparently wanted to help defuse the situation by offering Alec their spot, but that’s beside the point. So chill!
I think this would be a good opportunity to test how zen Alec really is. If every time Alec goes out to eat or gets takeout he was presented with chopsticks instead of a fork, and we don’t hear a peep of complaint about it, we’ll know that Alec has truly reached Nirvana.