This isn’t only an open post, or a post for you to exercise your face muscles by cringing, it’s also an obit. We can finally throw up a RIP over these slang words which were mostly born from the brains of people of color and later destroyed by everybody else. So RIP to:
All of those slang words and more died on March 27, 2019 when WTOL in Toledo, Ohio posted a video of their anchors, weatherman, and traffic guy wishing luck to students during standardized testing week. They tried to speak the language of Gen Z and shove as many slang words into 53 seconds as they could. It’s as if they ate a Twitter thread from 2015 about a Beyonce video and barfed it all up. And yes, they’ll be hearing from Cardi B’s lawyers!
Here it is in all its unholy glory! If Pimp Mama Kris was a local news anchor, this is how she’d talk, for real:
If you can’t watch that video, here’s a CliffsNotes version:
While many are cringing their faces off and others are laughing, I’m doing neither. I’m bowing down and thanking all involved with that video for destroying overused slang, because now I no longer have to listen to my auntie try to be cool with the kids by saying, “Those sunglasses are on FLEET! Bye bye Felicity!” I’m exaggerating, but my aunt really did think that it was “on fleet” and not “on fleek,” because Fleet is a brand of enema and she thought it was another way of saying “that’s the shit.” Now that I think about it, I am wrong for dissing her when she’s clearly a master slang poet.
Pics: YouTube, The Verge/NBC