Hot Slut Of The Day!

Sound Bites lolly!

The late-90s, a time when an actual rocket scientist came up with a spinning lollipop that hit the inside of your head with sounds whenever you bit into it. That rocket scientist Andrew Filo obviously had stocks in dental companies too, because Sound Bites would break your teeth AND give you cavities.

Sound Bites came out in 1998, and were sold by Oddz On, a subsidiary of Hasbro. The NYDN did a profile on the spinning teef breaker that also gave you a headache (so I guess, Andrew Filo owned stock in Tylenol too), and explained how that mess worked.

When you bite down on a Sound Bites lollipop, though, vibrations travel through your teeth to your inner ear, so music sounds louder inside your head than it does to the fella standing next to you. They come in guitar, drum and saxophone versions, as well as Space Wars, cartoons and as if anyone needed this one “inner voices,” like laughter, ringing phones and a voice that says “no way!

I didn’t need some $9 candy to put voices in my head in 1998. I don’t need it now either. I just naturally have voices in my head. There was an ad that starred Danny Tamberelli, Summer Sanders, and John Elway, and no, Sound Bites didn’t totally make them look like mental ward candidates.

Sound Bites never took off. But you know, they should really bring it back and drop the lollipop thing. Instead, they should make spinning dildos that make sounds into your fuck holes. Although, they don’t have to include the Price Is Right losing horn as a sound effect. My fuck hole does that on its own.

Pic: Pinterest