If you’re a middle schooler looking for a book report topic, snooty British society rag Tatler has something for you! Great Britain needs a reason to feel good about itself since it is royally screwing up its own Brexit, so it’s going for a tried-and-true pick-me-up: slamming Duchess Meghan in a thoughtful way! The magazine spent a long-ass time describing the first year of life with Meghan, even though it’s still about two months from her one-year anniversary with Prince Harry. The glossy magazine shades everything from Meghan choosing NOT to fire a gun with Harry in the countryside (EGAD!) and speculates she’ll divorce his ass after they have a couple of kids. Don’t get too excited, Thomas and Samantha Markle. Tatler shat on y’all, too.
OK, so while People magazine may have gotten in bed with all of Meghan’s best friends for that “Isn’t she great?!” piece, this seems to be ghostwritten by all the friend’s Harry has allegedly abandoned after marrying Meghan since they all said he shouldn’t marry her. Surprisingly, Prince Charles also thought Harry shouldn’t marry her, even though he was “fascinated” by her, if you can believe any of this. Mind you, Charles is probably bitter it took THE QUEEN 500 years and 500 gins to half-ass approve his marriage to Duchess Camilla.
The biggest takeaway is that Meghan has just RUINED Harry’s pristine image (cough) of a “shoots’n’wellies” country boy into a Goop-reading/yoga-practicing ninny. Tatler also claims that Kensington Palace staffers call Meghan “Me-Gain.”
The piece does say Meghan and Duchess Kate have yoga in common…but nothing else. It sounds like things may not be so great between the two duchesses, but if there’s one thing we can look forward to, it’s when Prince William becomes king:
“And everyone’s got a mental image of the moment when Meghan will for the first time have to curtsey to Kate, when Kate becomes Queen, as protocol dictates. It’ll make having to wear nude stockings seem a breeze.”
Pivoting over to William, it’s said he didn’t like Harry’s “What Meghan wants, Meghan gets” mindset, and “hot-headed” Harry is just pissed William is spending more time lecturing him on who to marry than he is finding Rogaine that works. The article isn’t ALL bad. It says rumors that Meghan wore a baggy wedding dress because she was already pregnant are false, and it also isn’t true they needed IVF to knock her up. The magazine also admits the OG Fergie had it worse and admits some of Meghan’s bad press is because some people in Britain are racist and some just are anti-American. It then just admits everyone likes gossip and left me wondering why I spent what seemed like a month reading word vomit on the Hallmark Channel’s biggest success story (sorry, Lori Loughlin. That was you until last week).
You can read Tatler’s whole takedown here.