Open Post: Hosted By Pope Francis Snatching His Ring Away From Greedy Mouths

March 26, 2019 / Posted by:

Today I learned that it’s now considered gauche to kiss The Pope’s ring. It’s simply not done anymore. At least that’s what our new school, Rock ’N’ Roll Pope thinks. According to The Independent, Pope Frankie Says Relax is not about that groveling shit. During a recent mass at Holy House of Loreto in Italy, Pope Francis specifically asked the public not to kiss his Ciotola Super ring, but to no avail. The assembled masses seemed to take the request as a challenge. You could probably hear the sound of thousands of caps being popped off of thousand of tubes of  chapsticks sticks as the people prepared to pucker up. Apparently, kissing the Pope’s ring is worth huge Catholic Bingo points.

But Frank was ready for them and screamed, “not today Satan!”. It seems Frank has been spending a lot of time working on his Fruit Ninja game because he’s got the reflexes of an annoying older sibling who always wins at slap hands.

Damn, Frank! He didn’t let one of them taste it, not even the tip! The Independent says that nobody’s sure why Francis decided to shut that shit down, but “some people believe the act is out of touch with modern thinking”. But if Francis is really that progressive, he would be aware that the world’s already come full circle on BDSM. It’s not like it used to be back during The Crusades. People pay good money to grovel these days!

Pic: Twitter

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