I feel like being Gwyneth Paltrow’s kid has to be a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, you’re living one fancy life, you get Blythe Danner as a grandma, and you’re bound to get first dibs on whatever $1,200 plain-ass T-shirt GOOP is hawking that month. On the other hand, you’re probably inundated with people asking shit like “How many vaj steamers does your mom have?” and “Does your mom REALLY think she invented yoga?” Apple Martin is Gwyn’s kid with consciously uncoupled ex-husband Chris Martin, and Apple looks A LOT like Gwyneth and she is also VERY MUCH going through her teenage years. Of course, Gwyn thought it’d be cute to share a selfie on Instagram of the two of them on a ski trip that likely cost more than a normal person’s lifetime earnings. Apple was NOT here for that.
People says Gwyn threw that photo up of her and Apple on the ski lift up a side of a mountain on Sunday. While Apple’s goggles-shielded stare didn’t give much away, it appears she was ready to throw her mother off the side of said mountain. Um, Mom?! The first rule of teenage-dom is you don’t share cute shit on social media. I guess they don’t teach that in the jade snatch egg school of Goopery.
Buried in the “aww cute” and “Where’s you’re fucking helmet, Gwyn?” comments is one from Apple that goes:
“Mom we have discussed this. You may not post anything without my consent.”
Gwyneth commented back that you can’t even see Apple’s face even though, uh, by using an apple emoji, Gwyn kinda gave away to her 5.3 million followers who was riding next to her. Ha! For someone who likes to play like she’s above everyone else, she sure as shit does appear to have some pedestrian mom-daughter drama going on! I, too, was wondering why Gwyneth didn’t have on a helmet or mask, but I’m sure we’ll find out next month in Goop they have the exclusive rights to the Harry Potter/Canada Goose Invisibility Cloak collaboration for $375,000. What a bargain!
And well, Apple should look on the bright side, at least her mom didn’t run someone down this time.