Felicity Huffman, Lori Loughlin, And Their Bribery Cohorts Are Being Sued For $500 Billion

March 16, 2019 / Posted by:

Because the second most popular life affirming mantra embroidered on lace trimmed pillows in basement lounge rooms is “It’s going to get worse before it gets better” (the first is “Live, Laugh, Love” obviously), the college admissions cheating scandal just got a little worse for the implicated parties. Felicity Huffman, Lori Loughlin, and their deep pocket buddies have been named in a $500 billion lawsuit by a mom and her son who say he was unfairly denied college admission due to these lying, cheating hos. Maybe they figured that if they win the $500 billion they can buy his way into college, too?

Bay Area retired school teacher, Jennifer Kay Toy, and her only child Joshua, are the plaintiffs in the suit, which names everyone indicted in Operation Varsity Blues. Jennifer and Joshua allege that these cheaters edged him out of his chance at acquiring a spot in many of the schools involved in the ring. Joshua, who has a 4.2 GPA, applied to the same schools and didn’t get in. From the lawsuit as highlighted by E! News:

“Joshua applied to some of the colleges where the cheating took place and did not get in. Joshua and I believed that he’d had a fair chance just like all the other applicants but did not make the cut for some undisclosed reason.”

“I’m now outraged and hurt because I feel that my son, my only child, was denied access to a college not because he failed to work and study hard enough but because wealthy individuals felt that it was ok to lie, cheat, steal and bribe their children’s way into a good college.”

So Joshua busted his ass to get a beyond perfect 4.2 in high school while Lori’s USC-going daughter Olivia Jade admitted in her fascinating last day of high school Vlog that she’s, like, “literally never at school“. Take that, Joshua! Aren’t you glad you took that extra credit trigonometry homework when you should’ve been Vlogging instead? Oh, that and pretending to be a rower, too. Did you even pretend to sport, Joshua, or were you too busy building NASA worthy rocket models and trying to cure cancer in the science lab over your lunch break? Not good enough, Joshua!

Jennifer and Joshua sound like they are taking it for the common people in a stand against the elite minority. It’s too bad that Mossimo Giannulli is also caught up in the scandal, because according to Tom Arnold, calling out “takers and entitled people” and putting Trump and his totally-not-acquired-by-nepotism power on a pedestal used to be Mossimo’s thing.

Welp, looks like Mossy doth protest too much, because he may be paying up (again) if this suit goes anywhere.

If Jennifer and Joshua win the suit will they ask for their half a trillion dollar prize in $1 bills and stand on the courthouse steps making it rain on all the lowly community college attendee commoners below them in come to justice unseen since Cersei Lannister walked naked through King’s Landing? Or will they just flee to the Bahamas since they’ll be richy richer than anyone named in the suit?

Pic: Wenn.com

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