Taylor Swift’s Reputation Tour started off with a bunch of bad press with media reporting that it wasn’t selling well and was going to be flop hard. Well, as we all know, Taylor doesn’t forget and Taylor doesn’t forgive, and she definitely brought it up when she was accepting the award for tour of the year at last night’s iHeart Radio Awards.
Taylor got up on stage at the iHeart Radio Awards in her jumbo-scale mermaid-skin romper, and smiled the way only a white girl can before she delivers jab after jab of backhanded statements. She flicked her pink ponytail to the side and settled in for the PG-13 dragging of the evening aimed at all the haters who told her her tour was going to be shit:
“I think one of the most wonderful things about the way that this whole tour turned out, is that for, like, the entire six months leading up to the first show of this tour, every headline that I read about the tour was: ‘This is going to be a massive failure, this is going to be a flop tour’. And, um, you know it really did wonders for my self-esteem, it was really great to hear people saying that I was going to be playing to nearly empty stadiums. I’ve learned a lot–I’ve learned a lot. And one of the things I’ve learned is that life is really unpredictable and people can make forecasts and they can make predictions, but those predictions and forecasts may not come true if there’s an unforeseeable factor involved and that unforeseeable factor in this case was: my fans.”
I mean… it’s okay. I’ve definitely seen more sass coming off of kindergarten-aged drag queens, but it’s a start. And Taylor wasn’t finished, she also made sure to plug her tour on Netflix, mention how it’s the highest selling tour in the US, and also maybe, potentially threatened new music about people who have scorned her, like that bitch at Crate & Barrel who made her ask for a manager:
“I honestly owe everything in my life to you. I want to thank you if you came out and saw the show in like, perfect weather, or if you came to one of our many rain shows that we had. And also, I wanna say thank you if you just watched the show on Netflix on your couch with your dog. You guys are the only reason why this tour wasn’t a massive failure and why it ended up being the highest-selling tour in US history… I loved seeing all the things that you’re posting online, and I just wanted to let you know that when there is new music, you will be the first to know.”
We all know you’ll be second to know, because the first to know will be Olivia Benson and Meredith Grey who help Taylor write all her songs as ghost writers. Some of their best unreleased work includes: “Drying Mommy’s Tears With My Fur,” “Boys Are Dogs” and the remix to “I Knew You Were Trouble” called “I Wish I Gave You (Cat Scratch Disease)”. Basically, the songs will be Taylor’s greatest work ever.