Natalie Portman should go ahead and pass the “false idol” she won for Black Swan to the star of the reboot called Black and White Swan, because this swan outdoes her with a riveting performance of a graceful beauty taking down a trick getting in its lane.
The Daily Mail took a break from showing pictures of Ashley Graham cutting a curvaceous figure and Kelly Brook flaunting her bikini body on the beach to bring us this thrilling clip of a man in Kherson, Ukraine (which just so happens to be the born land of Mila Kunis, Natalie’s Black Swan rival) learning the hard way that fucking with a swan is not something you want to do unless you want to end up with beak cuts. Yes, swans are genteel creatures of elegance, but step to them, and they’ll pull up their gowns, take off their jewelry, hand their Judith Leiber over to a friend, and fuck you all the way up.
The man’s first mistake was stripping down to his swim panties and jumping into a nuts-shriveling pond in January. The man’s second mistake was jumping into the territory of a gang of swans who didn’t want their pond tainted by a human. So one of them switched from “exquisite sophisticate” to “not the one bitch” by letting him know to skedaddle off. The man’s decision-making chip may have been running on booze, because he made a third mistake when he jokingly tried to fight the swan.
Pro tip: Unless you want to get whooped by a swan, don’t try to fight a swan.
After this video ended, a halo appeared over that gorgeous feathered warrior’s head, because God declared it an earth angel for doing the charitable act of letting that trespasser go so easy.