That Rolling Stone interview from last year gave me the impression that Johnny Depp’s closest friends are his legal team (and any random journalists who happen to stop by for a chat). Now I’m pretty sure I’m right because he’s just filed a wild $50 million lawsuit against his ex-wife Amber Heard. In it he states that Amber’s claims of domestic abuse are all just “an elaborate hoax to generate positive publicity” for herself. The suit is pinned to claims Amber made in a December, 2018 Op-Ed for The Washington Post. Johnny also dragged Elon Musk into this mess by claiming he and Amber started their relationship a month after they were married, and that Elon was at their house, creeping in and out of the penthouse elevator, the night he and Amber got into a fight over a postnuptial agreement. Johnny says that fight led to Amber throwing a vodka bottle at him, which resulted in him having to have his finger “surgically reattached”. Just when we all finished treatment for the smoke inhalation we suffered from during their train wreck of a divorce, Johnny is bringing it back. Grab your oxygen masks!
According to The Blast:
The lawsuit states, “Ms. Heard purported to write from the perspective of ‘a public figure representing domestic abuse’ and claimed that she ‘felt the full force of our culture’s wrath for women who speak out’ when she ‘spoke up against sexual violence.’”
Depp’s attorney acknowledges that she never mentions Depp by name, but says the entire article “depends on the central premise that Ms. Heard was a domestic abuse victim and that Mr. Depp perpetrated domestic violence against her.”
The lawsuit strongly states that she is the one attacked him, claiming, “Ms. Heard is not a victim of domestic abuse; she is a perpetrator.”
As proof of Amber being the aggressor in the relationship, Johnny claims that about a month into their marriage, they had a big fight. He says Amber hurled a vodka bottle at him which “shattered the bones” in the tip of his finger, “almost completely cutting it off”. I guess he remembers that particular incident clear as day because it was also the first night he saw Elon sniffing around (also via The Blast).
Depp claims the first time he noticed the Tesla CEO at his home was after an argument with Heard over entering into a postnuptial agreement. He claims that specific argument led to the actress allegedly hurling a vodka bottle at him in anger.
Apparently Johnny’s BFFs have been very busy interviewing just about anybody they could find who would state that Amber’s claims of abuse, specifically those she claim resulted in injury to her face, were false. As a reminder, that was the night the somebody shit the bed.
He claims that Heard’s abuse claims were “conclusively refuted by two separate responding police officers, a litany of neutral third-party witnesses, and 87 newly obtained surveillance camera videos.”
As further proof, Johnny also says that a building employee has testified under oath that he saw video of Amber’s sister pretending to punch her in the face a few days later, and having a laugh about it.
The lawsuit claims that an employee of the building reviewed building surveillance video three days after the alleged incident. Depp claims the employee “testified under oath that she saw Whitney Heard pretend to punch her sister in the face. Then Ms. Heard, Ms. Pennington [Heard’s best friend], and Whitney Heard all laughed.”
So yeah, it’s a lot. It’s so weird, I’m not in the grocery store or anything, but I just heard somebody shout “CLEAN UP ON AISLE 2019” over the PA! And whatever happens in this lawsuit, you better believe that Johnny isn’t done fucking with Amber, and in the year 2029, he will file a $1 trillion lawsuit against her after his scarf dealer’s cousin’s father’s uncle’s weed man heard her saying the name “Johnny.” Sure, she was at a Johnny Rocket’s at the time, but still!