Hot Slut Of The Day!

“Hi Ho, cracker” is how the Cyruses regularly greet each other today, but back in the olden days, it was the name of Ritz’s low-class slutty cracker third cousin twice removed at the grocery store cracker aisle who always got slut-shamed at family reunions. Sunshine was a biscuits company that was born at the turn of the 20th century and it was later bought by Keebler who was later bought by Kellogg. Sunshine made Hydrox cookies, and also today’s HSOTD that aren’t around anymore. I couldn’t find the exact date when HiHo said “ByeHo” to the crackers aisle forever, but they were definitely around up until the 90s.

Just like I couldn’t find the exact date for when HiHo was shoved off to the cracker cemetery, I couldn’t find the exact date of its birth, but it was around in the 1940s. In case you couldn’t tell by that picture and my first sentence, HiHos were like Ritz crackers, which Nabisco started selling in 1934. They were discs of buttery deliciousness. Here’s a commercial from 1977, starring Radar from M*A*S*H, where the reporters are so hard up on HiHos that they don’t care that Radar’s calling them a ho over and over again.

Sadly, I never got to wrap my lips around a HiHo, and that makes me sad. Even though I never had a HiHo, I can say that I liked them better than Ritz, and that’s because they speak to me. By that I mean that I’m usually high and I’m a ho, so when I look at the box, it’s speaking directly to me. HiHo!

Pic: eBay