“A Star Is Born” Is Heading Back To Theaters And Lady Gaga Insists She’s Not Really In Love With Bradley Cooper

I saw on the news this morning that Bradley Cooper popped his furry rodent face out of the ground, saw his shadow, grumbled incoherently and dove back down. Which I guess means we can expect at least another 6 weeks of having A Star Is Born shoved down our throats. ASIB is getting a theatrical re-release, and this time it’s going to be even longer.

According to Huffington Post, 12 minutes of new footage has been added, probably at the end where *SPOILER ALERT* Sam Elliott’s mustache jumps off his face and runs to the garage to replace the rope Jackson has tied around his neck. Sam’s ‘stache gently unfurls, leaving Jackson disoriented but alive, so they can make a sequel. I’m already organizing a 2020 Oscar campaign: Mustache for Best Supporting Actor.

It sounds like most of the new footage will be extended musical performances and shots of Bradley and Lady Gaga’s characters, Jackson and Ally, writing a new duet.

The expanded version of the film contains extended performances of such songs as opener “Black Eyes”; “Alibi”; and an impromptu a cappella performance of the Oscar-winning “Shallow” by Gaga.

The film also shows Gaga singing “Is That Alright?” to Cooper in the wedding sequence; and the couple writing a new duet, “Clover.”

And if that’s not enough ASIB news for you, today is your lucky day! So is tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that, in fact you will never have a day, from now until well into President Megyn Kelly’s third term, that you will not have news relating to ASIB. Lady Gaga would like to reassure everyone concerned about THAT performance, that it was all acting! Gaga was on Jimmy Kimmel Live last night (clip below) and revealed a craft secret. According to People:

“Yes, people saw love and guess what? That’s what we wanted you to see,” the actress-singer, 32, told Kimmel.

“[Shallow] is a love song, A Star Is Born is a love story, it was so important to both of us that we were connected the entire time… When you’re singing love songs, that’s what you want people to feel.”

So, Lady Gaga vibrating all over Bradley’s neck while he has his eyes closed in “Please God Take Me Now” prayer is acting, just not Academy Award winning acting. And it sounds like Bradley’s Svengali-like approach to directing was the impetus for everybody murmuring “they’re totally doing it”. Page Six says that Bradley wanted to make their romance as realistic as possible which led to a real-life friendship which led to rumors that “Gaga fell for” him during “pre-production and filming”. Some sources say Bradley is milking this “romance” for attention. I say the cow is dry and ready for the slaughterhouse. Bradley’s gonna need the hide for his face if they do end up doing a sequel. A Star Is Eating Solid Foods, perhaps?

Pic: YouTube