Well, At Least Peter Farrelly Didn’t Flash His Dick At Everyone Last Night, So There’s That

Julia Roberts presented the Best Picture Oscar last night and when she said the words “Green Book,” I was hoping that it was another PriceWaterhouseCoopers fuck up. But Green Book really did win Best Picture. Marie Kondo, who was at the Oscars last night (pics in the gallery), should’ve grabbed Green Book before the show, declared it doesn’t spark joy and trashed it before it had a chance to win anything. Damn you, Marie! You had ONE job!

Before and during awards season, Green Book got covered with shitty press after more shitty press from Viggo Mortensen casually dropping the n-word during a Q&A at a screening to screenwriter Nick Vallelonga’s anti-Muslim tweet being brought back out to Peter Farrelly apologizing for once flashing his dick at actresses and co-workers as a gag to the family of Dr. Don Shirley (who Mahershala Ali plays in the movie) saying that the movie was full of lies. The Shirley family was especially pissed about how the movie claimed Dr. Don was estranged from his black family and the black community. But none of that stopped Green Book from beating Roma, which was pretty much the frontrunner.

You would think that since Green Book is about Dr. Don Shirley, the filmmakers would thank him during their Best Picture speech, because if he didn’t exist, they wouldn’t have a movie or a little gold man. But they didn’t thank him, and when they were asked about that in the press room, Nick Vallelonga (who is the son of Tony Lip, played by Viggo in the movie) blamed it on nerves (uh huh) and said Mahershala thanked Don Shirley, who died in 2013, in his speech. Nick then dribbled out a steamy stream of HUH when asked why he didn’t talk to the Shirley family while writing the script.

“Don Shirley himself told me not to speak to anyone. He told me the story he wanted to tell. He protected his private life and all the other things about him, miraculous things, he was an amazing man. He told me, if you’re going to tell the story, you tell it from your father, me, no one else, don’t speak to anyone else. ‘That’s how you have to make it. And also don’t make it until after I pass away.’ So I just kept my word to that man. I wish I could’ve reached out to Don Shirley’s family, I didn’t even know they really existed until after we were making the film. We contacted his estate for music, and then we invited them all to screenings and discussions. I personally was not allowed to speak to his family per Don Shirley’s wishes.”

And here’s that mess of an explanation in moving picture form:

Backstage at the #Oscars, #GreenBook's Nick Vallelonga says Don Shirley asked him not to reach out to the Shirley family: "I didn't even know they really existed until after we were making the film." https://t.co/ZuoOGuBHmV pic.twitter.com/N3gOfXcmFi

— Hollywood Reporter (@THR) February 25, 2019

Okay, so Nick didn’t know about the existence of Dr. Don Shirley’s family until later, but yet, Dr. Don Shirley told him not to talk to them. What!? So either Nick pulled that explanation out of his ass, he’s confused in the brain, or the ghost of Dr. Don Shirley speaks to him, and if the latter is the case, then I fully expect the ghost of Dr. Don Shirley to slap at that trick for the non-thank you in the Best Picture speech. And I am surprised that Peter Farrelly didn’t try to change the subject by whipping out his dick and slapping his Oscar statue in the face with it. That may have been more interesting than the shit that Nick spewed out.

Here’s all of last night’s winners.

Best Picture
A Star Is Born
BlacKkKlansman
Green Book
Roma
Black Panther
Bohemian Rhapsody
The Favourite
Vice

Best Director
Alfonso Cuarón, Roma
Spike Lee, BlacKkKlansman
Adam McKay, Vice
Yorgos Lanthimos, The Favourite
Pawel Pawlikowski, Cold War

Best Actress in a Leading Role
Glenn Close, The Wife
Lady Gaga, A Star Is Born
Olivia Colman, The Favourite
Melissa McCarthy, Can You Ever Forgive Me?
Yalitza Aparicio, Roma

Best Actor in a Leading Role
Christian Bale, Vice
Rami Malek, Bohemian Rhapsody
Bradley Cooper, A Star Is Born
Viggo Mortensen, Green Book
Willem Dafoe, At Eternity’s Gate

Best Actress in a Supporting Role
Regina King, If Beale Street Could Talk
Amy Adams, Vice
Emma Stone, The Favourite
Marina de Tavira, Roma
Rachel Weisz, The Favourite

Best Actor in a Supporting Role
Mahershala Ali, Green Book
Adam Driver, BlacKkKlansman
Richard E. Grant, Can You Ever Forgive Me?
Sam Elliott, A Star Is Born
Sam Rockwell, Vice

Best Original Song
“All the Stars” from Black Panther
“I’ll Fight” from RBG
“The Place Where Lost Things Go” from Mary Poppins Returns
“Shallow” from A Star Is Born
“When a Cowboy Trades His Spurs for Wings” from The Ballad of Buster Scruggs

Best Original Screenplay
The Favourite
First Reformed
Green Book
Roma
Vice

Best Adapted Screenplay
The Ballad of Buster Scruggs
BlacKkKlansman
Can You Ever Forgive Me?
If Beale Street Could Talk
A Star Is Born

Best Original Score
Black Panther
BlacKkKlansman
If Beale Street Could Talk
Isle of Dogs
Mary Poppins Returns

Best Foreign Language Film
Cold War
Roma
Shoplifters
Capernaum
Never Look Away

Best Animated Feature Film
Incredibles 2
Isle of Dogs
Mirai
Ralph Breaks the Internet
Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

Best Documentary Feature
Free Solo
Hale County This Morning, This Evening
Minding the Gap
Of Fathers and Sons
RBG

Best Makeup and Hairstyling
Border
Mary Queen of Scots
Vice

Best Costume Design
Ballad of Buster Scruggs
Black Panther
The Favourite
Mary Poppins Returns
Mary Queen of Scots

Best Production Design
Black Panther
The Favourite
First Man
Mary Poppins Returns
Roma

Best Cinematography
Cold War
The Favourite
Never Look Away
Roma
A Star Is Born

Best Sound Editing
Black Panther
Bohemian Rhapsody
First Man
A Quiet Place
Roma

Best Sound Mixing
Black Panther
Bohemian Rhapsody
First Man
Roma
A Star Is Born

Best Film Editing
BlacKkKlansman
Bohemian Rhapsody
The Favourite
Green Book
Vice

Best Animated Short Film
Animal Behaviour
Bao
Late Afternoon
One Small Step
Weekends

Best Documentary Short Subject
Black Sheep
End Game
Lifeboat
A Night at the Garden
Period. End of Sentence.

Best Visual Effects
Avengers: Infinity War
Christopher Robin
First Man
Ready Player One
Solo: A Star Wars Story

Best Live Action Short Film
Detainment
Fauve
Mother
Marguerite
Skin

Pics: Wenn.com