The 39th Annual Golden Raspberry Awards were just announced, and as is usual in most losing your virginity in high school scenarios, the Razzies continue to nail the best of the worst! This year was a real equal opportunity caller out-er of the bad shit on the silver (nickel plated?) screen, and no hair piece, Dame, politician’s wife or puppet was excluded from the Razzie spotlight of the worst for 2018.
First off, I would like to suggest a new category called GGBP (Good Guy Bad Band is a music world term for when you are forced to go see the terrible band of a good friend, so perhaps Good Guys Bad Picture is also fitting for the movies) for this year’s winner of the Worst Picture category. It was a close race with Gotti, The Happytime Murders, Robin Hood and Winchester all campaigning hard to be written on that oversized envelope, but in the end it was the the cringingly nick-named Holmies, AKA Holmes & Watson, the Will Farrell and John C. Reilly buddy flick that walked away with the Golden Raspberry for being absolute trash.
See what I mean? Good Guys, Bad Picture. But I’d rather watch a full two hour biopic on Huff ‘n Doback’s rise to fame with Boats ‘n Hoes than be forced watch that craptastic looking Holmies wreck.
In a shocking twist to the predictable Worst Actor outcome, John Travolta and his muskrat hair piece were overshadowed by the unexpected but even more deserving Dog the Bounty Hunter colored forehead merkin that is Donald Trump, who took home the statuette as Worst Actor for his dual roles in Farenheit 9/11 and Death of a Nation. The Dumpster’s main boo (no, not Ivanka or the former lingerie/current “I Really Don’t Care” jacket model Melania Trump, who was also nominated- we know they’re not really boos) Kellyann Conway took home a matching book end statuette for her starring role playing herself as Worst Supporting Actress for Farnheit 9/11.
John and Kelly Preston (Worst Supporting Actress for Gotti) missed out on matching couples statures, but I dare anyone to name a more iconic duo to take home matching Golden Raspberries than The Dumpster and Kellyann. I bet the pair of them are giggling like schoolchildren today as they bleach each other’s hair out of the same bottle (they do that, right?) and admire their matching Razzie statuette book ends holding up all of their… books? Wait, do they have those? Let’s just say holding up their combined Barney VHS collection.
One ex-couple who was probably happy to not share the loser’s spotlight was Johnny Depp, nominated as Worst Actor for Sherlock Gnomes (stop already with the Sherlock spinoffs, unless you wanna give those Cumberbitches more to squirt about with the Benedict Cumberbatch version, but that’s it!) and Amber Heard for
everything she’s ever been in London Fields. Johnny also lost in the Worst Screen Combo category under Johnny Depp & His Fast-Fading Film Career by narrow margin to Donald J. Trump & His Self-Perpetuating Pettiness. Oh, the shade of it all!
Here is the full list of all the Winners and Losers (depending on if you’re a Diet Coke half empty or half full kind of person) for 2018:
The Happytime Murders
Holmes & Watson – WINNER
Jennifer Garner (Peppermint)
Amber Heard (London Fields)
Melissa McCarthy (The Happytime Murders and Life of the Party) – WINNER
Helen Mirren (Winchester) NOTE: Do they mean DAME Helen Mirren! Sacre bleu! How could they?
Amanda Seyfried (The Clapper)
Johnny Depp (Sherlock Gnomes)
Will Ferrell (Holmes & Watson)
John Travolta (Gotti)
Donald J. Trump (Death of a Nation and Fahrenheit 11/9) – WINNER
Bruce Willis (Death Wish)
Worst Supporting Actress
Kellyanne Conway (Fahrenheit 11/9) – WINNER
Marcia Gay Harden (Fifty Shades Freed) NOTE: Are these movies still coming out? Jesus, enough already!
Kelly Preston (Gotti)
Jaz Sinclair (Slender Man)
Melania Trump (Fahrenheit 11/9)
Worst Supporting Actor
Jamie Foxx (Robin Hood)
Ludacris (Show Dogs)
Joel McHale (The Happytime Murders)
John C. Reilly (Holmes & Watson) – WINNER
Justice Smith (Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom)
Worst Screen Combo
Any Two Actors or Puppets- The Happytime Murders
Johnny Depp & His Fast-Fading Film Career – Sherlock Gnomes
Will Ferrell & John C. Reilly – Holmes & Watson
Kelly Preston & John Travolta- Gotti
Donald J. Trump & His Self Perpetuating Pettiness- Death of a Nation & Fahrenheit 11/9 – WINNER
Worst Remake, Rip-Off, or Sequel
Death of a Nation
Holmes & Watson – WINNER
Etan Cohen – Holmes & Watson – WINNER
Kevin Connolly – Gotti
James Foley- Fifty Shades Freed
Brian Henson – The Happytime Murders
The Spierig Brothers- Winchester
Death of a Nation, Written by Dinesh D’Souza & Bruce Schooley
Fifty Shades Freed, Screenplay by Niall Leonard, from the Novel by E.L. James – WINNER
Gotti, Screenplay by Leo Rossi and Lem Dobbs
The Happytime Murders, Screenplay by Todd Berger, Story by Berger and Dee Austin Robinson
Winchester, Written by Tom Vaughan and The Spierig Brothers
Razzie Redeemer Award
Actress: Melissa McCarthy for Can You Ever Forgive Me? – WINNER
Actor: Tyler Perry as Colin Powell inVice
Director: Peter Farrelly for director/co-writer of Green Book
Franchise: From Transformers to Bumblebee
Sony Animation Studio from Emoji Movie to Spider Man Into The Spider-Verse
Pic: Sony Pictures via Express