I sometimes forget Miley Cyrus identifies as a queer person since the Bangerz days are behind her, and she looks like any other blonde Malibu chick who likes to hump on tall, hot dudes. Alas, it was back in 2015 when she first said she was pansexual, and in a new cover story, Miley says we best not be calling her a “L.U.G.” just because she’s married to Liam Hemsworth. A- there was no graduation, and B- their heterosexual love is New Age, dammit! It’s different from the plain ol’ boy-girl marriage it looks, sounds, and feels like!
Vanity Fair did a long interview with Miley where it seems like she breaks out into monologues intermittently while they chat around the hotel pool at the Versace Mansion in Miley. Miley looks like a Versace vintage store threw up on her, and she thinks a pool that was created to look like a Versace scarf is her chance to break into poetry readings. I’m surprised the Versace mansion didn’t self-combust from the egos, past and present, that were jamming into that square footage. Anyway, after Miley faps to being so artsy and different, the reporter is all, “Then, why get married, bitch?” (in so many words) Miley then went off on her New Age babble, and I’m still waiting for my eyes to stop rolling:
“The reason that people get married sometimes can be old-fashioned, but I think the reason we got married isn’t old-fashioned—I actually think it’s kind of New Age. We’re redefining, to be fucking frank, what it looks like for someone that’s a queer person like myself to be in a hetero relationship. A big part of my pride and my identity is being a queer person.”
So just remember: when your grandma married a dude, that’s was old-fashioned peen thirst. When Miley married Liam, that was, uh, New Age peen thirst? Wait, Miley. I’m so confused. Help me out:
“What I preach is: People fall in love with people, not gender, not looks, not whatever. What I’m in love with exists on almost a spiritual level. It has nothing to do with sexuality. Relationships and partnerships in a new generation—I don’t think they have so much to do with sexuality or gender. Sex is actually a small part, and gender is a very small, almost irrelevant part of relationships.”
I’m not here to admonish anyone. Be who you wanna be, do what you wanna do (that isn’t a felony), and if it just so happens to time well with the week you’re going to be a judge on RuPaul’s Drag Race, even better! Also, poor Liam probably thought he knocked it out of the park by marrying a chick who is so New Age-y and open to lady love, but if her ass has to go through this spoken-word nonsense before each time they go to bed, uh, feel free to slide into my DMs. I talk less and can pretend to be twice as bendy!
And here’s Miley’s nipples in Vanity Fair trapped in a prison cell of ball chain, in case you wanted to see that:
Pic:Vanity Fair/Ryan McGinley