Kylie Jenner’s Paper Magazine Interview Is Absolutely Delusional

February 19, 2019 / Posted by:

Too bad Paper didn’t ask her about her best friend fucking her sister’s man

I don’t know if the pain medication plastic surgeons give their patients contain heroin, crack, or a combination of both but there must be something mind altering in the ingredients that make their patients believe the lies they tell themselves. Let’s take a trip through the elevated mind state of lips like Jagger businesswoman, and Kris Jenner’s top earner, Kylie Jenner as she sits down with Paper Magazine to once again discuss how she started her business from nothing. Well, that’s only if nothing means being genetically linked to a family of notorious famewhores with lots of money and insecurity issues.

Kylie is just as Kardashian (even though she’s technically not one) as the rest of the Koven and she certainly does not rebel against the script Pimp Mama Kris hands out to all her hoes before they do any kind of interview. Straight out the gate she discusses the plastic surgery rumors because lies come across best when you get them out the way in the beginning.

“People think I fully went under the knife and completely reconstructed my face, which is completely false. I’m terrified! I would never. They don’t understand what good hair and makeup and, like, fillers, can really do.” I’m eager to indulge in the fantasy that anyone can look like Kylie Jenner if they just watch enough tutorials about crease application, and tell her as much. She gently interrupts. “I mean, no,” she says with a conspiratorial laugh. “It’s fillers. I’m not denying that.”

Kylie has admitted she uses fillers before and claimed she broke up with them for a minute. She gets half a point for her honesty. But then I had to deduct points from her once again when she began coming off like an entitled brat who never thinks about money. And then I threw my marking pen into the trash and just gave her an F++ when she claimed she’s a self made woman whose parents, Kris and Caitlyn Jenner, told her she needed to be more independent so they stopped giving her money. Kylie answered to the hate she got when Forbes called herself-made” with this:

“I had such a huge platform, I had so many followers already and I had so many people watching me,” she admits. Still, she’s eager to assert that “the self-made thing is true.” Her parents “cut her off at the age of 15” and told her to start making her own way, and Jenner says that since then she hasn’t received a single cent.

“My parents told me I needed to make my own money, it’s time to learn how to save and spend your own money, stuff like that,” she explains, taking her time to think through the statement. “What I’m trying to say is I did have a platform, but none of my money is inherited.”

Can I become the first person to invent the Bitch Please emoji and plaster them all over her social media everyday? Because this truly is a Bitch Please moment. I can’t imagine Kris and Caitlyn giving her the same financial responsibility speech that my parents gave me when I snagged my first gig at McDonald’s. Kylie’s was probably more along the lines of “Girl they’ll give you money if you sell them something! We’ll back off and let you do your thing.” And she has absolutely no remorse in selling an altered version of beauty to young girls because in her words, makeup makes you feel pretty.

“Makeup is something that makes me feel empowered, makes me feel good, and I think it’s such a positive thing,” she says, with an earnestness that’s nothing if not compelling. “There’s no harm in playing around with it and feeling good about yourself.”

Fast forward to five years from now when Kylie’s face is falling from all the black market fillers. At some point she’ll be using paper clips hidden behind her weave in the back of her head to keep everything in place. And by “some point” I mean next year.

Here’s more of Kylie in Paper:

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me on @linkedin v me on @instagram: #kyliejenner

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Pic: Paper

 

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