E! News is reporting that SoundCloud rapper, Lil Xan, is expecting an even littler Xan to pop out of his girlfriend’s vagina later this year, proving that no matter how immature you look, or how many bad face tattoos you ruin yourself with, or how many times you get Airbnb noise complaints, or how many times you OD on hot Cheetos, you can still take on the responsibility of fatherhood! What a world! CPS is about to get a lot busier.
Yesterday, 22-year-old Lil X and his girlfriend, Annie Smith, went on Instagram to let all of their fans know that yes, Xan is also enough to make sperm that works. Who knew! It was quite a long-winded post just to say “LOL I didn’t pull out lol,” and he also was sure to use the opportunity to plug his upcoming new album BE SAFE which is all about the correct number of hot Cheetos one human can ingest without dying:
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i wanted to wait but i just can’t leave my fans in the dark,it’s official im going to be a father 😭💔 i love you guys so much and hope you stay along for this crazy journey and i’ve never felt more happy in my life💔 all of you are invited to the gender reveal party i promise ! Cant wait to show the world everything i’ve been working on at youtube space and my official sophomore album “BE SAFE” and to my baby my angel my sunshine @anniiesmith i love you with all my heart ❤️ thank you for saving me i love you more then words could describe 💌👼🏼💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔
“I made a baby! Stay tuned for my new YouTube channel!” What a dark time to be alive…
And hers is pretty much the Instagram equivalent of them wearing the same sweater but she doesn’t plug his new album, which is so tacky, like, support your baby daddy. But hers does add the publicity grab of suggesting they’re engaged:
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happy valentine’s day my love. i could go on and on about how beyond grateful and lucky i am to have you by my side in life. but today to keep it simple and honest, i love you to the moon and stars, always baby. i cannot wait to call myself your wife soon♥️♥️♥️ p.s i love matching with youu
Immediately after the baby is born they plan on scheduling a tattoo session where the baby will get “Smoke Weed Everyday” along it’s little baby spine because Lil Xan can only have a baby who is as COOL and EdGy as he is.
You may remember that Lil Xan used to be Noah Cyrus‘ man-child and was out here buying Billy Ray a bong for his birthday just this past August. But then they broke up after Noah cheated on Lil Xan with a fake Charlie Puth nude. Noah later called dating Lil Xan a “mistake” so good thing she isn’t the one knocked up, amirite?
Stay tuned for these two to name their baby Lil Baby or some stupid trash like that. Lil Heroin for a girl (get it because heroine? It’s clever) or Lil Pipe (cause they smoke weed? And he has a penis?). And hopefully they can stay together for the long run and unlike Noah, Annie will manage to refrain from cheating on Lil Xan with a deepfake Shawn Mendes.