Michelle Rodriquez must not have heard the age old adage, “A man who desires revenge should dig two graves”. Last week, she tried to write her own revenge flick after her friend and Widows co-star Liam Neeson confessed that he used to be a hate crime aficionado, but was cured of his race-based murderous impulses by power-walking the hate away. Michelle was ready to bury those who dared call Liam a racist thus besmirching his good name. But her defense was so incredibly stupid, people were ready to lay flowers on her grave (Ok, drink tall boys on her grave) for saying that there’s no way Liam could possibly be racist because kissed a black woman for work. You see, Michelle has a very particular set of skills: she’s 2 fast, 2 furious, and 2 prone 2 say some real dumb shit. And now, she’s had to issue an apology.
You may recall that Michelle got her revenge on all of us by making us revisit that onscreen kiss between Liam and his movie wife played by Viola Davis, where he opened up his jaw like a python and tried to suck Viola’s entire face, including her nose, into his cavernous maw. According to Michelle, it was proof that Liam couldn’t possibly be racist. Would a racist be able to kiss Viola Davis without vomiting violently? Am I a racist because watching that scene made me want to vomit violently?
This the kiss she talking about y’all 😂 it’s the opening scene to Widows and the most awkward 5 minutes ever pic.twitter.com/1PXy2jQKfH
— VANNESSAAAH (@RemiBLANCO) February 8, 2019
Michelle was all like, “did you see the way he tried to devour that black woman? No way a racist could do that!”. Ok, I paraphrased, but what she actually said was way worse:
“Dude, have you watched Widows? His tongue was so far down Viola Davis’s throat. You can’t call him a racist ever. Racists don’t make out with the race that they hate, especially in the way he does with his tongue — so deep down her throat.
To Michelle’s credit, she was able to come up with that response on the fly (she was questioned on the red carpet amfAR Gala) which gave her a chance to show off that aforementioned particular set of skills. I guess in Michelle’s mind, when a racist kisses a person of the race they hate, they hold their nose and keep their mouths prissily pursed, because racism is actually just a “cooties” based on a system.
The lack of historical context, bias blindness and willful ignorance required to open one’s mouth and say this about racism is mind boggling. https://t.co/vTdQoGSXMd
— shonda rhimes (@shondarhimes) February 7, 2019
But as it always must, revenge comes at a price. Michelle’s has had to apologize because there’s not way people would ever stop asking her about it otherwise. And ain’t nobody got time for that. She’s probably very busy texting Tyrese while they hate-watch the Hobbs & Shaw trailer.
I don’t think it’s enough honestly. I think the most fitting revenge for getting back at Michelle would be for her to have to be the one to get kissed by Liam Neeson in their next movie. Let’s see how she likes getting her lips sucked clean off by a colorblind, power-walking, lunatic.