Hot Slut Of The Day!
Soy Bomb!
Dlisted has lived through 14 Grammys, and not once have I paid tribute to the legendary SOY BOMB! I know, I really should have my serious journalist credentials revoked for that. But better a million years late than never, which is also what my dad would say if he ever showed up to one of my birthday parties. The Grammys are usually a 16-hour exercise in trying to keep your eyelids open while being bombarded with musical Ambien, but in 1998, there was a jolt of 100% pure fuckery-flavored soy when Soy Bomb crashed the stage during Bob Dylan’s performance. While tonight’s Grammy ceremony will probably deliver several bombs (one of which will be a WTF bomb dropped by JLo when she shakes her ass to Papa Was A Rolling Stone during her Motown tribute), the stage bomb that Soy Bomb dropped was piping hot and it included man nipples.
Bob Dylan won three trophies at the 40th Annual Grammy Awards at Radio City Music Hall in 1998, but he probably couldn’t tell you which ones he took home, because his mind is filled with the memory of getting shown up by a man nipple-having soy bomb during his performance of Love Sick. The soy bomb was dropped by performance artist Michael Portnoy, who was 26 at the time. The Hollywood Reporter did a Where Is Soy Bomb Now? profile on him last year, and he told the story of how he stole the Grammys in 1998.
Michael said that he signed up to be an extra in Bob Dylan’s performance and was told to give off a “good vibe.” During rehearsal, he was hit the Kartrashian disease we now know as attentionwhoreism, and decided that he needed to turn it up for the live broadcast. So when show time came, he took off his shirt to reveal SOY BOMB written on his body, and bounced to the front of the stage and did an interpretive dance of an inflatable dancer suffering from severe diarrhea cramps while high on meth. Or an interpretive dance of a gorilla conducting a symphony while high on meth.
Bob Dylan probably thought that all those hallucinogenics he took in the olden days were making an encore appearance in his brain, because he glanced at Soy Bomb for a second before going on with the show.
Soy Bomb was quickly escorted off the stage by security. Michael said that they didn’t rough him up or anything and were nice. But they did kick him out of Radio City Music Hall and put him onto the street in February without giving him a coat. A cop ended up letting him and his frozen soy nipples onto the subway for free. He never got the $200 he was supposed to get paid for the gig.
As for why he chose “soy,” he gave this pretentious HIGH ART Goop answer:
He later said he used those words because soy represents dense nutritional life and he wanted art to represent “dense, transformational, explosive life.”
And when asked about the stage crashing, he gave another pretentious HIGH ART answer that Kanye West wishes he would’ve given after his Imma Let You Finish stage crash:
It was such a perfect format to do something inscrutable. To inject some confusion into the mainframe. It felt like I couldn’t get on that stage and not do something else. And at that point in my life, I was working as a comedian. It was almost like telling a joke with my body.
Michael is now an “internationally recognized performance artist” and I’m sure he got that title thanks to SOY BOMB!
It’s been 21 years since Soy Bomb, so it’s about time for Michael to once again make the Grammys exciting for a quick minute by pulling off his top to reveal COCONUT AMINOS BOMB (sorry, but soy is over) scribbled on top of his nipples. Or he should at least have Silk Soy™ Bomb scribbled on his naked chest. Get that sponcon money!
Pic: YouTube