NeNe Leakes of Real Housewives of Atlanta obviously returned home from Andy Cohen’s Real Housewife-saturated baby shower in a deep depression. The realization that the spotlight wasn’t really on you for once can be spiritually taxing. To make herself feel better (and probably at the behest of some Real Housewives writers who are looking for a crossover storyline between shows), NeNe decided to whip up some fresh drama based around herself. She’s j’accuse-ing heavy-lidded schemestress Lisa Vanderpump of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills of stealing PUMP restaurant from her. NeNe owned “Los Angeles’ sexiest restaurant”? When? Was there a Real Housewives prequel special that never made it on the air?
According to Us Weekly, Leakes went on accused child murderer Jenny McCarthy’s SiriusXM show and followed up on some shit she had mentioned on What What Happens Live concerning Real Housewife Lisa Rinna. Except that she actually meant Lisa VANDERPUMP. Oh, so all the Lisas look alike to you, NeNe? Meanwhile, Lisa Rinna just canceled plans to go into hiding cuz’ NeNe Leakes is coming for her.
“You know I actually said the wrong name. … I meant Lisa Vanderpump. I did not mean to say Lisa Rinna. She knows that we have a little something, something she did to me. I’ve never really addressed it. … She did some real foul shit to me.”
NeNe claims that Vanderpump Rules could have and should have been Leakes Rules. She says that she was debating buying the space in West Hollywood that is now PUMP and opening a bar and consulted restauranteur Lisa about it. She also went on to remind listeners that she used to be on two since-canceled Ryan Murphy shows and that the gays love her. You can’t see this, but I’m a gay who’s making a face at that last bit.
“At the time, Greg [Leakes] and I were living in [Los Angeles] and I was working on Glee and New Normal. We ride down that West Hollywood area where all the gay bars are — and I have a large gay fanbase — and I kept thinking, ‘It would be so cool if I had a bar right in here somewhere.’ And that space was empty and kind of raggedy-looking and torn down.”
Nene says that Lisa purred into her ear that she shouldn’t buy it. So she didn’t. Lisa did, though, and now it’s a Real Housewives spin-off.
“She said, ‘Oh darling, darling, it’s a piece of crap and they’re charging so much for it, darling,’” Leakes said. “She talked me off of it and then went and got it. … That’s so fucked up.”
NeNe concluded her tale by publicly apologizing to Lisa Rinna (who can finally unpack the bags that she was planning on fleeing the country with), insulting Real Housewives franchise MVP Giggy, and threatening to get Lisa Vanderpump.
“Now when she sees me, she has this little dog that doesn’t even crawl and she’s like, ‘Hi NeNe,’” Leakes told McCarthy, referring to Vanderpump’s dog Giggy. “She just looks at me funny. … We’re gonna get Lisa Vanderpump. Lisa Rinna, I’m sorry I didn’t mean you, I meant Vander-lump.”
Initially, I imagined that the “foul” behavior Lisa engaged in that so offended NeNe was Lisa perhaps not using a litter box. Because Lisa Vanderpump might flaunt that dog around but she sort of looks like a cat in the face and is probably some sort of hybrid feline-lady that owns several restaurants.