More About That “Charlize Theron And Brad Pitt Are A Thing” Thing

Ain’t nobody got time to air side pieces during a normal divorce proceeding because that just screams, “Discretionary cash! Gimme half!”

There were tabloid murmurs that Brad Pitt and Charlize Theron were casually doing it after meeting on the set of a shoot for Breitling watches (see: above) six months ago. But some people took that with a grain of salt since Brad is friends with Charlize’s ex, Sean Penn. Brad seems lucid enough these days to know so much as a sneeze in front of Sean can set him off, so I’d imagine he’d steer clear of boinking the lady Sean used to be boinking. Alas, we’re now at an impasse: some people say they’re definitely NOT a thing while others say they definitely ARE – but don’t want to make a deal out of it until he and Angelina Jolie are no longer legally bound.

The staff at People must have been sent a case of Brad’s Miraval rosé (or maybe were spared a case, if they share Adam Rippon’s palate) because they swear up and down after talking to “close sources” that Brad and Charize were never dating. They just shot that Breitling ad with Adam Driver, but it was all watches and no slap ‘n tickle. Of the Sean playing matchmaker part, the same source said, “That couldn’t be more false. Not in the slightest.” OK, fine! We get it, snitch!

However…Radar maintains those two are definitely humping on each other, as evidenced by canoodling at Chateau Marmont earlier this month. The Radar source says Brad and Charlize are “trying their best to keep their relationship a secret to avoid drama with Angie.” Angelina may get the dry heaves whenever Brad’s name comes up, but she apparently flat-out pukes when Charlize is mentioned because she thinks she’s trying to Single White Female her sainthood status. Charlize is a U.N. Messenger of Peace while Angelina also does U.N. work.

Since Angelina has shown she tosses aside her own messages of peace when it comes to her ongoing divorce from Brad, it only makes sense why he’d want to keep this a little hush-hush. Charlize and Angelina have also allegedly feuded for years over the same roles like the upcoming Bride Of Frankenstein (which is likely going to Angie), so watch out, Tia Mowry! Angelina might come terrorize you at Soul Cycle just to show she can beat Charlize in everything, including the bullying department!

Pic: Breitling