Like every season, the Chanel couture show went down at the Grand Palais in Paris today, but unlike other haute couture seasons, the Grand High Vampire Witch of the Haus, Karl Lagerfeld, was not there to look over his multi-multi-thousand dollar creations in between beaming ice cold “Suck it in, fatté!” glares through his sunglasses at models who ate more than air before the show.
Kunty Karl usually comes out at the end of the show with the “bride” to take in the applause of his devotees before opening his Jack-O-Lantern-on-meth mouth to “kiss” the bride as he sucks her soul out of her young body. But the bride’s soul was spared today, because Karl wasn’t feeling well and bowed out of bowing.
The Cut says that the Chanel couture show ran twice today, and at the end of the second show, an announcer told the audience, “We wish Mr. Lagerfeld to recover quickly.” Karl’s right-hand Virginie Viard, who has done the bows with him before and is in the Chanel episode of Netflix’s 7 Days Out docu-series, did the final bow without him. Chanel put out this statement about The Missing Karl.
“For the traditional greeting at the end of the show, Mr. Lagerfeld, artistic director of Chanel, who was feeling tired, asked Virginie Viard, director of the creative studio of the house, to represent him and greet the guests alongside the bride
Virginie Viard as creative studio director and Eric Pfrunder as Chanel’s director of image continue to work with him and follow through with the brand’s collections and image campaigns.”
As for what Chanel’s couture bride wore… If you’re getting married, have a couple hundred thousand dollars just lying around, and want your wedding look to say, “Esther Williams joining the beard game by marrying Liberace,” Karl’s got you:
Karl is 85 in human years, so I hear hos le whispering about his retirement. But ghoul please, Karl isn’t going anywhere. As long as the world’s got virgins with blood that Karl can sip on, he’s going to live beyond forever. Karl has done at least 2,984,999 fashion shows and he can’t fill the audience of his shows with gorgeous models (I’m sure he’s tried), so my guess is that when Chanel said he’s “tired,” they specifically meant that he’s tired of having to looking at the homely, ugly faces of the people in the audience. It depresses him so.