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Stretch-Out Sam!

Stretch-Out Sam may sound like the circuit party nickname of a DP power bottom, but in 1990, it was the name of a game that stretched out and broke the nerves of anyone who played it. Milton Bradley put out Stretch-Out Sam in 1990, and it was also called Don’t Tip The Waiter. The game starts with each player getting a bunch of dishes (like tiny plates, tiny cups and saucers, and tiny cups). Each player took turns spinning the spin wheel, which would land on a number. If it landed on a two, you’d have to put two dishes on the yellow tray on Sam’s terrifying flattened hand, and if it landed on one, you’d have to put one dish on his tray, etc…

Sometimes the spinner would land on “Tip The Waiter,” and that’s some shit you wanted to avoid. Because you’d have to flick a lever, which would stretch-out Sam’s pencil dick arm, making it more and more unstable, like me trying to lift anything over 5 pounds. Eventually, Sam’s arm tipped, causing all the dishes to fall. The player that caused Sam’s arm to tip had to collect all of the dishes and add them to their pile. Whoever got rid of their dishes first, won the game.

Here’s the commercial for the game that showed children that abusing waiters is fun!

Poor Stretch-Out Sam! Tortured by brats who’d cheer when he dropped the dishes. Milton Bradley should’ve let him have some revenge, like after he dropped the dishes, he should’ve been able to slap down the kid responsible while spitting in their snack.

Pic: eBay