Before we get into the details of this accident, let’s go over some things:
- Prince Philip is 97 years old.
- Prince Philip is married to the fucking Queen of England.
- Prince Philip is reportedly worth $30 million, and his wife is worth a ton more.
Add all that up together and it equals: OLE’ ASS COOT SHOULDN’T BE DRIVING HIMSELF! The other PP should be chauffeured in a gold chariot as royal minions hand feed him Werther’s Originals. But Prince Philip still drives, and he was behind the wheel of his Land Rover today when he got into a crash and it flipped like he does whenever a photographer takes too fucking long to take his goddamn picture. And because Prince Philip is invincible, he walked away without any injuries.
BBC News says that the crash happened near THE QUEEN’s Sandringham Estate at around 3:00 in the afternoon. The other PP was coming out of a driveway in his Land Rover when he was T-boned by a Kia (which sounds like a pegging porn starring Khia), which caused his SUV to flip onto the driver’s side. This is what the scene looked like:
— ITV News (@itvnews) January 17, 2019
Prince Philip’s bodyguard was in the SUV with him. Both were pulled out and are fine. The two women who were in the Kia got a little scratched up and were treated at a hospital. They’ve since been released. It’s standard in England to give a Breathalyzer test to drivers involved in a crash, so both Prince Philip and the other driver had to blow into the booze detector. They both passed, which tells me that Philip must’ve not kissed THE QUEEN goodbye, because if he did, he wouldn’t have passed since he’d have serious gin lips.
Buckingham Palace confirmed the crash, and said that Prince Philip was seen by a doctor just in case. The doctor declared that he’s perfectly fine. Uh huh, a “doctor,” more like a computer engineer who opened up the hard drive on Prince Philip’s back, and made sure everything was okay before letting Cyborg Prince Philip go back into the world where he’s going to live forever. Seriously, he’s going to live forever.