Whoever said dreams never come true needs to be slapped across the face with a stale burrito. Because Taco Bell Canada has decided to spice up everyone’s life by constructing a billboard that dispenses golden showers of delicious, gooey nacho cheese. I’m sure you’ll all agree with me when I say fuck running for the border! I’m about to make a run for the mountains ‘Eh!
This ingenious idea has been brought to you on behalf of Taco Bell’s Naked Chicken Chalupa, which is getting a full upgrade with something to make you dash to the shitter even faster now; nacho cheese! The billboard, known in fancy dining circles as the “Cheesiest Billboard” (fire the marketing team immediately, please) urges foodies to step up and bring whatever snack they desire to be slathered in glorious, processed cheesy deliciousness.
Now, I’m not exactly sure how this is going to go down but in my mind’s eyes I’m picturing something like the 80s game show Double Dare where all the greedy cheese aficionados will stand underneath a giant nozzle and hold up their snacks like Rafiki did with Simba in The Lion King before the cheese rains down like tears from heaven. The crowd goes wild. There’s cheese everywhere! I think my nipples just twerked in excitement, but that was probably too much information for you so let’s bring it all the way back to what’s important. Veronica Castillo, head of marketing at Taco Bell Canada, recently spoke with Resto Biz and she’s almost as excited about this shit as I am.
“The Cheesiest Billboard comes off the heels of a groundbreaking year for us, that saw everything from CrunchWrapping Paper for all our holiday gift-wrapping needs, to the Baja Blast Hair Salon that turned heads Baja-Blast blue. Just search #BajaBlessed on Instagram to see how far fans will go for a free sip of MTN Dew® Baja Blast! Kicking off the year with a Nacho cheese-dispensing billboard means that 2019 will be as crazy as ever for us. Plus, our fans know it’s impossible to deny the appeal of warm, gooey, zesty nacho cheese, and we couldn’t agree more. Nacho cheese will be the perfect addition to the Naked Chicken Chalupa, already a fan-favourite.”
Don’t get too excited though because the Cheesiest Billboard will only be on display on Saturday, January 19 from 11:30am-2:30pm at the Taco Bell flagship store in Toronto. So this obviously means you need to call out from work on Friday January 18 to prepare yourself for the yellow bukkake fest that will be Nacho Cheese Mania ’19 in Toronto. And just to be on the safe side make sure you take that Monday off as well since you’ll probably spend the rest of that weekend queefing silent farts and Hershey squirts all weekend expelling those nacho demons from your body.
Pic: Taco Bell