Hot Slut Of The Day!

January 9, 2019 / Posted by:

You may be looking at that screen shot like, “Motherfuck, Bethenny, we know you hate fish, but do you need to prove to us that chicken is better by bathing in it?!” But that’s not Bethenny Frankel. It’s also not a screen shot from Jenni Pulos’ foray into messy food fetish porn. That delicate blossom, who is keeping really calm even as mutated polyester spiders attack her eyelids, is woman who went viral last year, and is now trying to extend her 15 seconds to another 15 seconds with a music video that will terrorize your eyes and ears and make you scream, “Okay, okay, I’ll eat a soda-dipped chicken fanger if you just stop. MERCY! MERCY!”

Alexa Greenfield became the new poster pin-up girl for ICK. NAST. at the U.S. Open last September when ESPN’s cameras caught her committing child abuse by teaching the children (who are her nephews) to dip a chicken finger into soda. Alexa said that she learned that act of Satanic barfery from her dad (and he did it to cool down the chicken finger). Alexa claimed she didn’t do it that often. But when life gives you lemons (read: a viral video), make an entire lemonade stand franchise.

Ever since Alexa became the Chicken Fingers Soda Lady, she has been hustlin’ hard and trying to not only get vomit out of people (by reminding us she dips her chicken fingers into carbonated corn syrup nectar), but is also trying to get coins out of them. She started an Instagram page devoted to her food fetish of choice, is selling t-shirts, and is working on a soda-flavored dipping sauce. To pimp all that out, she did a song and music video that is the musical equivalent of a chicken finger dipped in Coke. It’s overprocessed and a crazy mess.

Alexa’s “Chicken Soda” (Side note: I have a feeling that the other Alexa is NEVER going to hear the words, “Alexa, play Chicken Soda.“) is an auto-tuned-to-the-fucks-of-hell-and-back spoken word song (I’m not calling it rap) that makes Sophia Grace and Bhad Bhabie sound like Biggie and Tupac. It samples The Chicken Song, and the video shows Alexa driving around in a Pokemon-brand VW beetle, and hanging out in an empty loft while wearing vintage Contempo Casuals. And there’s also a scene straight out of The Guy Fieri spa where Alexa bathes in chicken fingers and soda. ¬†Why do I have a feeling that a gynecologist is about to hear the words, “Well, doc, I probably got that yeast infection from bathing in soda and chicken fangers while shooting a music video promote my new dipping sauce.

“Dip sip whip drip” is also a great thing to rap while doing ass-to-mouth with your piece.

But you know, as much as I shit on that video, I love it, and I love it for this reason alone:

Cinderella’s slippers if Cinderella was a day-shift stripper. Alexa Greenfield isn’t only a hustlin’ icon, she’s a fashion icon too!

Pics: YouTube

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