Hot Slut Of The Day!

January 7, 2019 / Posted by:

When you dragged your carcass to bed last night, you probably counted on two things happening today: 1. That you’d wake up cursing your mom for not making you with an alien from the planet Antares Prime so that you could stop time with your fingers and go back to sleep. And 2. That the Fiji Water Girl from the Golden Globes will be today’s Hot Slut of the Day. Well, I cannot ruin my reputation of being predictable as all hell, so by popular demand, today’s HSOTD crown sits on the head of the Fiji Water Girl!

Before the actual Golden Globes ceremony started last night, some on Twitter and beyond opened up an imaginary envelope, pulled out an imaginary note card and read, “And the breakout star of the night goes to Fiji Water Girl!” Fiji was the official water of the Golden Globes, and so they got a bunch of models to hand out their bottles on the red carpet. If a Fiji Water Girl really wanted to do her job well, she’d permanently stand near Giuliana Rancic or Ryan Seacrest, because those are the thirstiest bitches on the red carpet. But one Fiji Water Girl proved that she was the thirstiest one on the red carpet, and in the best way, by photobombing dozens of famous tricks.

Usually it’s hard to see any picture of Richard Madden because your genitals are pressed against the screen. But this picture of him is really hard to see, because your eyes are automatically glued to the real superstar here: FIJI WATER GIRL!

It was very gracious of Fiji Water Girl to allow that Cordelia Ball person to share the same shot with her:

They tell me that the dude from Monk is supposed to be in this picture, but it’s hard to see anything but the blinding stars shooting off of Fiji Water Girl.

And here’s more of Fiji Water Girl graciously sharing the carpet with more lessers:

Pose for the job you want, not the job you have, bitch. BUT WAIT! Glamour was lucky enough to beat out hundreds of serious journalists to get an interview with Fiji Water Girl. Fiji Water Girl’s real name is Kelleth Cuthbert, and she’s a 30-something Canadian model/actress. She tells Glamour that she thinks it’s funny that she’s gone viral for being an expert photobomber, but claims she wasn’t trying to photobomb and just so happened to be caught looking straight into the camera:

“I do love a good meme, so I think it’s incredibly ironic and funny that I’m one now. The first meme of 2019, apparently! My husband is laughing very hard about all of this. This is something I would go viral for. I feel like I’ve been photobombing people since I was a kid.”

She wasn’t trying to photobomb everyone, she says: “Sometimes you’re caught between a lot of cameras, so there’s a lot of photographers at different angles. You’re just kind of trapped sometimes. See that’s the thing: I feel like I was looking away, but sometimes I was looking so I could move out of the way.”

I guess some bright shining stars can’t help that their star power steals all the attention. And I’m sure that right after Fiji Water Girl became the biggest star at the Golden Globes, Allison Williams called her agents and ordered them to get her an audition for the Fiji Water girl biopic called A Fiji Water Star Is Born, which I’m sure has been fast-tracked for next year’s Oscar bait season. And I’m also sure that Allison Williams’ agents let her know that sorry, the studio is looking for someone more famous for the role, so yeah, they’re already in talks with Fiji Water Girl herself!

Pic: AP

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