A 50-year-old dude named Curtis Brooner of Portlandis suing Burger King for $9,026, which is what he estimates is the cost of a $7.89 Whopper a week for the next 22 years. Why’s that? Curtis was literally locked in a BK bathroom against his own will in Portland for more than an hour in December, and he says that was his so-called award. Alas, he says BK broke their promise, and he’s out to keep his Whopper priveleges!
Oregon Live says 50-year-old Curtis filed a lawsuit that explains how he got the free food prize from BK. Curtis claims he had finished what sounds like his daily meal at Burger King and went to the restroom. When he tried to leave, the door jammed, he couldn’t get out, and – when he finally realized it was a lost cause – called the number on his BK receipt to get out. It didn’t sound like his immediate surroundings were an ideal waiting space, per Curtis:
“It’s the kind of place where you hold your breath: Go in and get out of there as fast as you can. That wasn’t an option for me.”
Sounds like the back room of a circuit party to me, but what does my heathen ass know?!
Curtis claims the salt in the urine-smelling wound was BK employees laughing their asses off on the other side of the door. They did initially try to give him a fly swatter and a plastic card to squeeze between the frame and the door, but that didn’t work. A locksmith was eventually called, but Curtis says employees were laughing at him on the other side of the door while he waited. Eventually, employees gave him bandages for his hand that he injured while trying to break down the door, and a manager said he could always eat for free. Curtis took that to heart and ate there for every day except for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day because why not, America? Sometimes, he even ate every day for breakfast and dinner because, DUH, lifetime promise.
Curtis says it was a case of “liar, liar, pants on fire” because he went in on December 28, and he was told “district management” had pulled the plug on his lifetime of Whoppers gratis. Curtis also says this about his bathroom jail cell:
“They created an unsafe environment.Someone could have had a medical situation. You could have had a fatality. You could have had a child locked in there, someone elderly. They are lucky it was me.”
Before we all point our French fries, it should be noted Curtis has a criminal record. He was convicted in 1994 of sexual abuse and sexual penetration crimes, was sentenced to 6.5 years in jail, and had to register as a sexual offender. Curtis says he did his time, and that was 25 years ago.
Honestly, if Burger King want to punish Curtis and make him pay for suing them, they’d give him his free food privileges back. Because one way to hand Curtis his ass back is to make his ass fall off from eating Burger King every day.