Next month, the Las Vegas Strip was supposed to get another serving of pork rinds-encrusted TALENT when Britney Spears boggled audience minds with her raw vocals (not a typo, more on that later) and impeccable “flip that weave while walking back and forth” dance moves, but that’s not going to happen anymore. No, Brit Brit isn’t hanging up her tiara as the Princess of Las Vegas to finally fulfill her dream of quitting the business of show to run a cheetah milking farm that produces Cheetos (nobody tell Brit Brit that you can’t milk a Cheeto out of a cheetah). Brit Brit is taking a work hiatus for a sad reason, she’s going to help out her dad/one of the heads of her conservatorship, Daddy Spears, because his health is in a bad way.
Brit Brit made the announcement on Twitter and Instagram, and also in a statement where she said that two months ago, Daddy Spears was taken to Sunrise Hospital after his colon ruptured. He nearly went off to the great big pot of grits in the sky, and needed emergency surgery. Daddy Spears rescued Brit Brit in 2008 after she downward spiraled into a pink wig and gas station hell, so I guess she feels like it’s her time to rescue him. With her note, Brit Brit also posted a picture that proves she’s face twins with her mom.
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I don’t even know where to start with this, because this is so tough for me to say. I will not be performing my new show Domination. I’ve been looking forward to this show and seeing all of you this year, so doing this breaks my heart. However, it’s important to always put your family first… and that’s the decision I had to make. A couple of months ago, my father was hospitalized and almost died. We’re all so grateful that he came out of it alive, but he still has a long road ahead of him. I had to make the difficult decision to put my full focus and energy on my family at this time. I hope you all can understand. More information on ticket refunds is available on britneyspears.com. I appreciate your prayers and support for my family during this time. Thank you, and love you all… always.
Choreographers Napoleon and Tabitha, who were working on Brit’s show, let the fans know that the ears of audience members were going to contort into a question mark because she was actually planning to yodel out live chipmunk musical notes.
Thank you #BritneyFans for all ur messages. It’s been a fun 3mo w/all ur input. U guys are some amazing fans. Hopefully can do again soon. And OH BTW, Yes Overprotected, My Perogative & many of ur favs were back in setlist. Also live vocals & wardrobe concerns we had ur back 👊🏼
— Napoleon and Tabitha (@NAPPYTABS) January 4, 2019
Cruel IS Napoleon and Tabitha letting Brit Brit’s fans know that they were getting the show they wanted, but not anymore since it’s been canceled. If the whole choreographer thing doesn’t work out for them, they can be professional torturers. And here’s hoping that Daddy Spears gets better real soon, because I’m picturing every Spears standing in front of an empty stovetop with hungry mouths and confused faces. Because if Daddy Spears isn’t well enough to make the Velveeta grits, who’s going to make the Velveeta grits?!