Piers Morgan Tried To Drag A Vegan Sausage Roll

January 3, 2019 / Posted by:

Piers Morgan, a grown-ass British man who is the breathing version of “Can I speak to your manager,” clearly isn’t getting enough attention. Piers closed out 2018 by bemoaning how Daniel Craig was carrying his daughter in a papoose, how Ariana Grande uses her boobies to sell records, and sarcastically how Dick Van Dyke has an un-PC name. This year’s first Piers feud is with a vegan wrap. Considering how I’d rather talk to a vegan sausage roll than Piers Morgan, can we call this feud before it even gets going?

The Takeout noticed on Twitter how Piers was having meltdown against Greggs, the maker of said vegan sausage roll, using the phrase “The wait is over.” In Piers’ mind, ain’t nobody waiting for a vegan sausage roll. Psh, all sausage is good sausage, Piers! This ho should know!

Unfortunately, both Greggs AND the U.K. McDonald’s Twitter account gave Piers what he was craving: attention (like we are). Both sort of clapped at him by saying they were “expecting” his childish venting:

McDonald’s soon faced the wrath of even THINKING about including a salad on its menu. In Piers’ world, it’s all-beef, all-day! Honestly, that was also what my dreams were about last night…and that beef required buns, too!

Piers then pivoted into an assault on vegans and how they kill innocent insects by sending grains to the wheat slaughterhouse, and sometimes those grains still have creepy crawly families living on them! To prove his point, he tweeted a photo of an insect making the sad expression I do when my alarm goes off in the morning:

I imagine this Choose Your Own Piers Adventure can go one of two ways: Piers self-combusts and we never have to hear from him again orrr Preparation H U.K. tweets out, “Oh, Piers. We’ve been expecting you” for the self-induced hemorrhoids he’s given himself thinking about people who only eat greens!

Pic: Wenn.com

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