Prepare For The Wrath Of The Swifties And The Beyhive: Taylor Swift And Beyonce Were Shut Out Of The Major Grammy Categories

Every single Grammy voter better arm themselves with RAID Beyhive spray (yes, they make that) and Katy Purry Purrfume (a cat dies every time I type that), because their Gods, Taylor Swift and Beyonce, were denied a nomination in the major categories. The Grammy nominations were announced this morning, and while Tay Tay and Bey Bey were thrown some nominations (aka PITY NOMS!), they didn’t make it into Album of the Year, Record of the Year or Song of the Year. They also didn’t make the Best New Artist cut, and no, they’re far from new, but I’m sure their fans are screaming, “They reinvent themselves with each album they do so they’re a new artist each time!!!!”

Meanwhile, Post Malone, who I’m convinced is a Shia LaBeouf performance art piece based on his favorite Garbage Pail Kid, got nominations for AOTY and ROTY. The Beyhive better not even try to come for Post Malone, because the mutated gnats always buzzing around him will bite off their heads. They’ve been warned.

Taylor’s album Reputation got one nomination for Best Pop Vocal Album. Everything Is Love, the album that Beyonce did with Mr. Beyonce, got a few nominations but none of the major ones. And even after all that promo and hard work on the Instagram stroll, Ariana Grande was kept in the pop categories. But even though Taylor, Beyonce, Ariana, and Stacey Q (no, I will never forgive the pieces of uncouth trash at the Grammys for never giving Stacey Q a nom) were left out of the major categories, women are ruling those categories. Five out of eight of the AOTY nominees are women.

You can see all of the nominations here, but I’ve copy + pasted a bunch of the categories below. Kendrick Lamar got the most nominations with eight, Drake got seven, Boi-1da and Brandi Carlile got six each, and Cardi B and Childish Gambino each got five. And let’s play a drinking game. Every time you see a name you don’t recognize, do a shot of Milk of Magnesia because you old!

Album of the Year
H.E.R. – H.E.R.
Brandi Carlile – By the Way, I Forgive You
Drake – Scorpion
Various Artists – Black Panther: The Album
Kacey Musgraves – Golden Hour
Post Malone – Beerbongs & Bentleys
Cardi B – Invasion of Privacy
Janelle Monáe – Dirty Computer

Record of the Year
Cardi B – I Like It
Brandi Carlile – The Joke
Childish Gambino – This Is America
Lady Gaga & Bradley Cooper – Shallow
Drake – God’s Plan
Kendrick Lamar & SZA – All the Stars
Post Malone & 21 Savage – Rockstar
Zedd & Maren Morris – The Middle

Song of the Year
Kendrick Lamar & SZA – All the Stars
Ella Mai – Boo’d Up
Drake – God’s Plan
Shawn Mendes – In My Blood
Brandi Carlile – The Joke
Zedd & Maren Morris – The Middle
Lady Gaga & Bradley Cooper – Shallow
Childish Gambino – This Is America

Best New Artist
Chloe x Halle
Luke Combs
Greta Van Fleet
H.E.R.
Dua Lipa
Margo Price
Bebe Rexha
Jorja Smith

Best Pop Solo Performance
Beck – Colors
Camila Cabello – Havana (Live)
Ariana Grande – God Is a Woman
Lady Gaga – Joanne (Where Do You Think You’re Goin’?)
Post Malone – Better Now

Best Pop Duo/Group Performance
Christina Aguilera ft. Demi Lovato – Fall In Line
Backstreet Boys – Don’t Go Breaking My Heart
Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper – Shallow
Maroon 5 ft. Cardi B – Girls Like You
Justin Timberlake ft. Chris Stapleton – Say Something
Zedd, Maren Morris, and Grey – The Middle

Best Pop Vocal Album
Camila Cabello – Camila
Kelly Clarkson – Meaning of Life
Ariana Grande – Sweetener
Shawn Mendes – Shawn Mendes
Pink – Beautiful Trauma
Taylor Swift – Reputation

Best Traditional Pop Vocal Album
Tony Bennett & Diana Krall – Love Is Here to Stay
Willie Nelson – My Way
Gregory Porter – Nat “King” Cole & Me
Seal – Standards (Deluxe)
Barbra Streisand – The Music… The Mem’ries… The Magic!

Best Musical Theater Album
Jesus Christ Superstar Live In Concert
The Band’s Visit
Once On This Island
Carousel
My Fair Lady

Best Rap Performance
Cardi B – Be Careful
Drake – Nice for What
Kendrick Lamar, Jay Rock, Future, & James Blake – King’s Dead
Anderson .Paak – Bubblin
Travis Scott, Drake, Big Hawk, & Swae Lee – Sicko Mode

Best Rap/Sung Collaboration
Christina Aguilera ft. Goldlink – Like I Do
6LACK ft. J. Cole – Pretty Little Fears
Childish Gambino – This Is America
Kendrick Lamar & SZA – All the Stars
Post Malone ft. 21 Savage – Rockstar

Best Rap Song
Drake – God’s Plan
Kendrick Lamar, Jay Rock, Future, & James Blake – King’s Dead
Eminem – Lucky You
Travis Scott, Drake, Big Hawk, & Swae Lee – Sicko Mode
Jay Rock ft. Kendrick Lamar – Win

Best Rap Album
Cardi B – Invasion of Privacy
Mac Miller- Swimming
Nipsey Hussle – Victory Lap
Pusha-T – Daytona
Travis Scott – Astroworld

Best Rock Performance
Arctic Monkeys – Four Out of Five
Chris Cornell – When Bad Does Good
THE FEVER 333 – Made An America
Greta Van Fleet – Highway Tune
Halestorm – Uncomfortable

Best Rock Song
Greta Van Fleet – Black Smoke Rising
Twenty One Pilots – Jumpsuit
Bring Me the Horizon – MANTRA
St. Vincent – Masseduction
Ghost – Rats

Best Rock Album
Alice in Chains – Rainier Fog
Fall Out Boy – M A N I A
Ghost – Prequelle
Greta Van Fleet – From the Fires
Weezer – Pacific Daydream

Best Alternative Music Album
Arctic Monkeys – Tranquility Base Hotel & Casino
Beck – Colors
Björk – Utopia
David Byrne – American Utopia
St. Vincent – Masseduction

Best R&B Performance
Toni Braxton – Long As I Live
The Carters – Summer
Lalah Hathaway – Y O Y
H.E.R. – Best Part [ft. Daniel Caesar]
PJ Morton – First Began

Best R&B Song
Ella Mai – Boo’d Up
Miguel – Come Through and Chill [ft. J. Cole and Salaam Remi]
Childish Gambino – Feels Like Summer
H.E.R. – Focus
Toni Braxton – Long As I Live

Best Urban Contemporary Album
The Carters – Everything Is Love
Chloe x Halle – The Kids Are Alright
Chris Dave and the Drumhedz – Chris Dave and the Drumhedz
Miguel – War & Leisure
Meshell Ndegeocello – Ventriloquism

Best R&B Album
Toni Braxton – Sex & Cigarettes
Leon Bridges – Good Thing
Lalah Hathaway – Honestly
H.E.R. – H.E.R.
PJ Morton – Gumbo Unplugged (Live)

Best Comedy Album
Patton Oswalt – Annihilation
Dave Chappelle – Equanimity & the Bird Revelation
Jim Gaffigan – Noble Ape
Fred Armisen – Standup for Drummers
Chris Rock – Tamborine

Best Compilation Soundtrack for Visual Media
Call Me by Your Name
Deadpool 2
The Greatest Showman
Lady Bird
Stranger Things

Best Score Soundtrack for Visual Media
Ludwig Göransson – Black Panther
Benjamin Wallfisch & Hans Zimmer – Blade Runner 2049
Michael Giacchino – Coco
Alexandre Desplat – The Shape of Water
John Williams – Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Best Song Written for Visual Media
Kendrick Lamar & SZA – All the Stars
Sufjan Stevens – Mystery of Love
Miguel – Remember Me [ft. Natalia Lafourcade]
Lady Gaga & Bradley Cooper – Shallow
Keala Settle & the Greatest Showman Ensemble – This Is Me

Best Music Video
The Carters – Apeshit
Childish Gambino – This Is America
Joyner Lucas – I’m Not Racist
Janelle Monáe – PYNK
Tierra Whack – MUMBO JUMBO

Pics: Wenn.com