If a pop star from the olden times had to go after a nose-in-the-air pretentious Oscar-winning actress, my first choice would be Samantha Fox going after Goopy Paltrow for saying that she made yoga popular when we all know that Samantha Fox not only invented yoga, but made it popular too (see: Samantha Fox doing downward dog, sort of). But I’ll take Jessica Simpson dropping a fart on Natalie Portman for words Natalie said about her posing in a bikini when she was a teenage virgin.
Natalie Portman is promoting her latest Oscar bait movie, Vox Lux, where she plays a pop star, so she’s talking about pop stars, of course. While talking to USA Today, Natalie patted Madonna on the taint by pretty much saying, “There could be 100 pop stars in the room, and none do anything for you, but there’s 1 that’s bold, and she changes your life.” Natalie basically said that she grew up with Madonna and was lucky to have a pop star who pushed the limits and pissed people off. But then Natalie pissed Jessica Simpson off by mentioning being confused by seeing a 19-year-old Jessica declare that she’s a virgin while wearing a bikini.
But she also remembers the virgin/vixen paradigms lobbed by the music industry as the millennium neared. “I remember being a teenager, and there was Jessica Simpson on the cover of a magazine saying ‘I’m a virgin’ while wearing a bikini, and I was confused. Like, I don’t know what this is trying to tell me as a woman, as a girl,” she says.
The Google Alert that Jessica obviously has for herself must’ve went off, and the assistant who read the article to her must’ve read it wrong. Because Jessica thought Natalie was saying that only dick-crazy mega sluts should pose for bikini pictures. Jessica gave Natalie a slut-shaming lesson in the form of words on a red background.
— Jessica Simpson (@JessicaSimpson) December 5, 2018
I have the reading comprehension of, well, a Jessica Simpson, but isn’t what Jessica said basically what Natalie said too? Aren’t they on the same page here? So Jessica needs to fire whoever wrote that response for her and also fire whoever made the choice to go with black words on a red background. Actually, it was probably Jessica who said, “Let’s go with red because it’s the color of blood and we’re destroying that hater with this badass essay I didn’t write. BOOM!”
UPDATE: Natalie Portman is sorry for hurting anyone’s feelings and issued a statement saying that she wasn’t slut-shaming anyone, but it was a mistake for her to say Jessica’s name.
“What I said was I was confused by mixed messages when I was a young girl growing up, and there are a lot of messages for how women should be, and women should be allowed to do whatever they want. It is a mistake to say anyone’s name. I could have made my message without naming.”