Michael Avenatti Will Not Be Running For President In 2020

December 4, 2018 / Posted by:

I have decided not to seek the Presidency of the United States in 2020” – Michael Avenatti

And with that, a hero takes a knee. Michael Avenatti posted a statement on Twitter today announcing that he will not be playing the role of Dancing Bear in the upcoming 2020 presidential circus. Michael cites his family as the reason he’s decided to forgo having the FBI look any closer into his background than they already have. And yes, he’s used the old “out of respect for my family” excuse which is the unelectable power hungry dude equivalent of a pop tart cancelling a concert due to “exhaustion”.

Here’s his statement of dis-intent:

I see, so instead of playing Dancing Bear he’s going to be playing Aggressive Carnival Barker. It is a role he’s been perfecting in his “nearly 20 years of speaking truth to power” after all. But guess what Michael, nobody wants your plastic baggies full of dead goldfish! And no, they aren’t “sleeping”, we’re on to you!

As recently as yesterday, Michael was railing against the media for criticizing his chances.

I guess his family must be made up marketing analysts and campaign polesters. The ego, cynicism, and bitterness on display in his statement are a perfect example of who we don’t need anywhere near the Big Top come 2020. But just because he’s out of the race, doesn’t mean Michael won’t have something to offer. He’s made up with his number 1 client Stormy Daniels and is helping her hawk an appearance at a strip club in DC called Cloakroom.

Here she is folks, step right in! It’ll only cost you a nickle, son!

Pic: Wenn.com

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