Starbucks Doesn’t Want You Watching Porn At Its Coffee Shops

November 29, 2018 / Posted by:

I’ve clearly been going to the wrong Starbucks each morning on my way to work. Starbucks is apparently have a problem with people ordering a Frappuccino with a side of the bareback vertical on Sean Cody because it was reported this week they’ll install a tool on its free WiFi network that will block illicit material from being looked at if you’re on their internet.

CNET reports  thatwe still have a little bit of time to singe the corneas off the tourists at the next table with the latest offerings on XVideos because Starbucks isn’t expected to drop the iron porn curtain until sometime next year. It’s not that the company encourages people to watch smut – it’s technically a no-no. However, only the U.K. stores have blockers on browsers to prevent people from going on. Here in the U.S., it’s a bunch of heathens who are clearly breaking the honor system! It sounds like Enough is Enough, an internet safety group, is the stick in the mud ruining it for everyone by getting a petition with 26,000 signatures in a week for the coffee behemoth to do something.

However, the porn community isn’t going to go without a fight. In a move so petty, I stood up to applaud, YouPorn Vice President Charlie Huges emailed employees to say Starbucks is now BANNED from the company offices:

“In light of the news that Starbucks has blocked customers from searching and viewing adult content within their establishments, Starbucks products will officially be banned from the YouPorn offices, effective January 1st 2019.”

Dunkin’ Donuts is the official coffee of internet dicking, I guess! Maybe the back-of-house team just wants a nice pumpkin spice latte while answering my 900th email looking for a Chris Hemsworth/Ryan Gosling best friend video to appear! Yes, I know that doesn’t exist, but so what?

I guess Starbucks thinks they’re doing the right thing, but why stop there? I hope they take care of blocking people from wheeling in those big-ass baby strollers next! Now THAT’s a problem!

Pic: Wenn.com

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