Alicia Silverstone has a real boner for vegetables. And she’s passing those values on to her kid. While promoting her organic, herbal, vegan vitaminerals line, Alicia secured at least three additional years of therapy for her son Bear Blu by telling the world all about his burgeoning scat fetish. Alicia says that Blu knows that when he eats his vegetables, he “poops well” and that he’s very in tune with his turds.
According to People:
“He knows when he eats well, he poops well. So he knows, as a little kid, that when he doesn’t eat right, his poo changes,” Silverstone, 42, tells PEOPLE. “He’ll be like, ‘Mommy, it’s not coming out!’ So he’s learned through his body and the way he feels.”
I’m really stuck trying to decide exactly how much a lifetime of mortification is worth. Bear Blu isn’t even 8 years old yet he’s already been subjected to having to walk around with the exact same haircut as his mother, been baby-birded on the internet, been put on blast on TV for trying to French kiss his mom, and has never eaten a Happy Meal in his entire life. Now his mom’s out here telling everybody about what his turds looks like. Is growing up in the lap of luxury worth all that future humiliation? I guess the obvious answer is yes, since most of us have been humiliated by our parents yet had no chance of receiving a Tesla for our 16th birthday. At least Bear will have earned it.
As a result of following the Jameela Jamil Method for bowel health, Alicia also credits Bear Blu’s plant-based diet with keeping him healthy. She talked about it earlier this month, and she’s still talking about it.
“He’ll know when he’s starting to get a little sniffly because the kids around him at school are sniffly, and he’ll say, ‘I think I need to eat more vegetables, Mommy,’ He’s such a healthy boy. When he does get the sniffles or gets a little cough, he’s still running up the wall.”
Poor child. If he eats MORE vegetables, he’s going to turn into a whole ass turnip! As long as her talking about vegetables curing cancer or whatever isn’t code for “I don’t vaccinate“, then load ’em up I guess. Bear Blu seems like a sweet, well adjusted kid. For now! He’s too young to know that in the future, he’ll be on a couch somewhere discussing long-term effects of his mom telling the world about the quality of his fudge factory.