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November 26, 2018 / Posted by:

The bear who walked like people to break into a CHP building! 

A bear walked into a police station…. and that may sound like the opening of a gay porn parody of Police Academy called HOlice Dickademy that I watched on PornHub last night, and it is. But it’s also a scene that played out in a California Highway Patrol building in Truckee, CA on November 17.

The CHP posted some surveillance footage on their Facebook page of a bear crawling up to a door at their Commercial Vehicle Enforcement Facility in Truckee. The bear must’ve realized that it better act human real fast or else the real humans might mistake it for a bear and tase it, because it got up on its hind legs and walked through the door. That bear really tricked those dumb humans!

After getting through the door, it became a bear again and browsed the vending machines for a quick second before sashaying out the door and back into the wild. Those vending machines must’ve been filled with nothing but heave-worthy shit like Wheat Thins and Popchips.

Let’s say that Goldilocks’ criminal intruder protege went further into the building and found a CHP uniform in its size and put it on. Let’s say that the bear then found some car keys, and let’s also say that the bear found the patrol car the keys belonged to, and drove out onto the highway to bust crime-committing drivers…. I wouldn’t be too mad about that, because the thing about a CHP officer who is also a bear is that if they catch you speeding, you can bribe them with honey (since we all carry that in our cars) and berries (since we all carry that in ours too). Or they’ll bite your berries-filled hands off and then you’ll have to learn how to drive home with your feets. Either or!

Pic: CHP

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