Well, I for one, am thankful that somebody is out here letting Tyra Banks do her damn thing. Tyra’s an affable, good natured clown, and we could all use a little more of that in #thesetryingtimes. As you know, somebody gave Tyra upwards of $5,000 and an after-closing shopping spree at TopShop to make a sequel to Life-Size which co-starred Lindsay Lohan and originally aired on the Disney Channel back in 2000. As promised, for Life-Size 2: Smize Queen, Tyra’s recorded a new version of the song “Be A Star” and don’t you dare say it’s anything less than a masterpiece. Yes, this is the hill I’ve chosen to die on. #Justice4Tyra.
Please, make sure your wig is securely fastened (a hot tip I wish someone had shared with Tyra before filming commenced), because yes, it’s that good. Here’s “Be A Star 2: Issa Trap”:
What, you didn’t think Ty Ty could rap? Please! Tyra practically invented rapping. You can tell by her staccato style and thick southern drawl that she taught Gucci Mane everything he knows. But you’ll never hear her bragging about it, which how you become a legend in several fields.
What, you also didn’t think Ty Ty could sing? Please! They call her Little Bey in Houston for a reason. That’s due in part to her becoming quite well known in the area when she was spotted rooting through Beyonce’s garbage looking for her old discarded wigs to use in this video.
What, you didn’t think Ty Ty could dance either? Please! I don’t know where people get the idea that dancing HAS to involve the lower half of the body. Hand and face dancing is where it’s at, fools! It’s called PERFORMANCE, look it up in the dictionary and you’ll see a picture of Janet Jackson and ask, “Is that Tyra or Janet? I can’t tell anymore“. When the picture starts pulling more faces than Marcel Marceau defending his doctoral thesis “Face The Music” at the Ecole Internationale de Mime Corporel Dramatique, you’ll know it’s Tyra.
Life-Size 2: Tyra Takes A Sound Studio In Burbank, will be premiering on Freeform on December 9th. And don’t you dare pretend for one second you’re not going to watch it. #Justice4Tyra