Thanks to The Cut, we now know what Kanye West smells like. Kim Kardashian was interviewed for a segment called Scent Memories where she was asked a series of questions that under normal circumstances would allow a person to show a little introspection, creativity or imagination. Not our Kim! Despite being an expert in the olfactory arts (in case you forgot, she’s an accomplished perfumer. But don’t worry, she’ll never let you forget it), Kim’s answers were uninspired.
Many of Kim’s responses were so basic, she probably just went with whatever her predictive text auto-filled when she typed up her answers on her phone. For example:
Love smells like: Roses.
Happiness smells like: Gardenias.
Friendship smells like: Popcorn, because we always go to the movies with my friends.
These are the answers of a emotionally stunted 13-year-old. They’re what you might expect to see scrawled in crayon under numbers 3, 5 and 6 on a cootie catcher. It didn’t get any better when she was asked about what her husband smells like.
But first, what do you think Kanye West smells like? I want you to really think about it too, don’t be glib. I think he probably smells like flop sweat, a greasy over ripe banana peel, and singed short and curlies. But Kim who (allegedly) shares a bed with the man, thinks he smells “rich” which, same girl. But she’s not using it to describe a density of competing odors like I am. No, she means it in the dumbest way possible.
Kanye West smells: … Rich. I can’t explain it, but like a rich person [laughs]. Like … money, I don’t know! He smells like what you think a really expensive, Saint Laurent fragrance campaign would be.
I mean, sure I guess rich people do probably smell different. But I think there may be a deeper meaning to this superficial facade, because when she was asked what regret smelled like, she said “McDonald’s McGriddles” and Kanye recently said McDonald’s was his favorite restaurant, ergo Kim is actually saying that Kanye West smells like McGriddles and the real message is that she regrets marrying Kanye! I’ve done it! I’ve cracked this interview wide open! Where is my success scented Pulitzer Prize which, incidentally, smells like your fingers after winning big on the nickel slots back when they used to actually spit out nickles mixed with the fresh ink on a 6-figure book deal.