Hot Slut Of The Day!

November 10, 2018 / Posted by:

Koala Springs Mineral Water!

In the 1980s, Canada generously gifted America with naturally flavored waters from their springs (which had a comeback a few years ago and you can still get it in some places) and New York bottled up the sparkling, clear, fruit-flavored non-diseased water from their sewers and sold it as Original New York Seltzer (which also had a comeback a few years ago). Canada and NYC weren’t the only places to share their nectar of the gods with the world. Australia did too.

Koala Springs was a brand of mineral waters that came straight from the ancient Koala Springs Oasis across from the Vegemite marsh and just a few hundred miles away from the Great Kylie Minogue mountain range in the territory of Paul Hoganville. Koala Springs was made by Koala Springs International, whose U.S. base was in Fremont, CA, and it came out sometime in the mid-to-late 80s. It was mineral water that came in flavors like orange & passionfruit and raspberry, guava & apple. For some reason, there weren’t other flavors like Kangaroo Jizz and Fairy Bread with a splash of Dame Edna’s glittery saliva. I know, what kind of Australian brand was Koala Springs?!

One of Koala Springs’ secret ingredient was BENZENE!!!, which is known to cause cancer. When “minute” traces of Benzene were found in Koala Springs, all bottles were immediately pulled off shelves, because delicious orange & passionfruit-flavored mineral water doesn’t taste as delicious when it’s also flavored with CANCER!

Koala Springs eventually went away sometime in the 90s. But a few years ago, it came back to parts of Canada and the Pacific Northwest. It didn’t stick around long and went away again. So for now, the only thing we have are commercials like this one, which shows that koalas made Koala Springs by furiously shaking fruit out of trees and into the springs.

Err, I know that tiny traces of Benzene were found in Koala Springs mineral water, but did they test for meth too? Because those koalas were definitely on some kind of shit.

Pic: Pinterest

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