British actor and Kingsmen cutie pie Taron Egerton has effed with his hairline, drag-queened his legs, and packed his cakes into gold lame booty shorts to play iconic bitch queen Elton John in an upcoming biopic. Elton himself is in on the flick and has been coaching Taron on how to play him. (His coaching consists of “Just be a huge see you next Tuesday and make sure to openly and loudly despise Madonna. The rest will fall into place, luv.”) In a surprising aside, Taron seems to have taken method acting to the level of “Christian Bale needs CPR and a lot of fucking carbs on the set of The Machinist.” OUT says that he might have come out by posting a pic of his boyfriend on Instagram.
Taron posted a pic of a twinky, smiling chap and labeled it “Cutie. My boy.” and Taron’s totally gay because there was a heart emoji.
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See? Not only that, but Taron also schooled a bitch who tried to come for his boo.
In addition, Egerton responded to one comment that asked his name with, “nah, he’s mine and mine only.” And he apparently liked a comment that asked “does that mean he’s got a boyfriend now?”
Yes, Taron! Take off your shoe and beat those skanks back to Skanktown!
You could also read into Taron’s recent appearance on The Graham Norton Show. He revealed that Elton gave him a diamond ring. Shit-stirrer Graham asked if that was a euphemism. Taron just kinda laughed it off. Hmmmm.
Nice work, Elton. Speaking for the subset of queer men known as the thirsty desperate, I’ve got a whole list of actors you can work your magic on.
However, The Sun did report last month that Taron has been in a relationship with British TV producer Emily Thomas since November 2016. Then again, it’s the Sun so Emily might also have had the UK version of Bigfoot’s baby the year before. Just in case, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to Merrie’ Ole England. Because the infinitesimal chance that I might get with Taron just increased to less than zero. That’s good news because it was way lower before.