The Crown people need to stop whatever they’re doing and immediately start shooting the current day royal years, because I really want to sit back with a cup of gin on the rocks (in honor of THE QUEEN) and get into the 100% factual scene where Meghan Markle (played by Duchess Meghan) and THE QUEEN (played by Imelda Staunton in older lady drag) tussle over a tiara as a Corgi bites at Meghan’s ankle and Prince Philip referees.
The New York Times of England known as The Sun says that THE QUEEN had to tell Prince Hot Ginge to check his ho (those are the exact words THE QUEEN used) when Meghan got mad about not being able to wear her first choice for a tiara on her wedding day. Who knew that Samantha Markle was the new editor-in-chief of The Sun? Congrats on getting an actual job, Sammy!
Last month, royal biographer Robert Jobson claimed that in the weeks leading up to his wedding, a thick layer of stress covered Prince Hot Ginge from all the planning and he got pissy with staff members. Robert said that at one point, PHG screamed, “What Meghan wants, Meghan gets.” A “royal insider” has added more drama to the story by saying that PHG shouted that after staffers told Meghan she couldn’t wear the tiara she chose to wear on her wedding day. Meghan wanted to wear a tiara with emeralds, but when staffers couldn’t figure out where it came from, they told her she’d have to choose another one. She didn’t like that and neither did PHG.
“Meghan had her heart set on this tiara with emeralds and Prince Harry hit the roof when they were told it was impossible for her to wear it. The provenance of the tiara could not be established. There were concerns it could have come from Russia originally.”
PHG’s rage over the tiara got to THE QUEEN and she had a little talk with him that involved her handing him a pile of foil her maid fished out of the garbage before saying, “If your girl acts like trash, she should wear trash on her head!” No, but THE QUEEN supposedly let PHG know that there’s only one QUEEN. The insiders say that she also wondered why that sinful American divorcee needed to wear a veil.
“There was a very heated exchange that prompted the Queen to speak to Harry. She said, ‘Meghan cannot have whatever she wants. She gets what tiara she’s given by me’. The Queen also questioned why Meghan needed a veil for the wedding, given it was to be her second marriage. The message from the Queen was very much Meghan needed to think about how she speaks to staff members and be careful to follow family protocols.”
Meghan ended up wearing a diamond tiara that was supposedly picked by her alleged bestie THE QUEEN. But you know who got to wear a borrowed tiara with emeralds in it on her wedding day? Princess Eugenie. I doubt it was the same tiara Meghan wanted, but I’m sure The Original Fergie is still cackling into the air.
The Sun’s sources also say that the palace staff has labeled Meghan as “difficult” and that she has high standards from working on TV sets.
The Sun has never ever told us a lie, but I have a hard time believing this. If it was true, both PHG and Meghan would have knots on their heads on their wedding day from getting bopped by THE QUEEN’s pocketbook for acting a spoiled mess. But if this story is true, it’s a tragic one. If I was marrying PHG, I wouldn’t care about a stupid tiara. The only jewels I’d want on my head on my wedding day would be royal jewels that are a little wrinkly and covered with freckles and ginger pubes.