John Stamos Was Really, Really Excited To Tell The Story About The Time “Fuller House” Was Playing In The Jack Off Room At A Fertility Clinic 

November 6, 2018 / Posted by:

I was going to throw a “How rude” GIF into this post, but Michelle Tanner doesn’t deserve to be associated with this unnecessary sucioness. She’s been through enough!

John Stamos was on Busy Tonight (aka Busy Philips’ Instagram page but with a studio audience) to promote the beauty and magnificence of John Stamos (and some other stuff too, who cares), and Busy asked him an innocent question about what he and his wife Mrs. John Stamos (I’m sure that’s what he calls her) binge-watched while taking care of their son Billy (who is SO lucky to have John Stamos’ genes). John joked that they binged Full House (you know it wasn’t a joke), and then he nearly made a sperm sample in his panties over getting to tell everyone a story he’s been waiting to tell. John really has been wanting to dribble at the mouth about how he was about to milk a baby batter nut into a cup at a fertility place when he turned on the TV and Fuller House was playing. Do I want the image of John Stamos fapping, sure, but now I miss a more innocent time when I didn’t have the dark-sided image of John Stamos fapping to Fuller House.

The truth is that John never said he actually Have Mercy’d himself while watching Fuller House, but he has been waiting to tell us that he could’ve if he wanted to:

I’ll tell you, this is an absolutely true story and I’ve been waiting to tell this story. We were trying to get pregnant, and we had to go to a fertility place, and I had to go give a sperm sample. I can’t believe I’m finally getting to tell this story! And I went in this little room, and they said if you need any stimulation or whatever, there’s videos and a TV here. I turn the TV on and it’s on Fuller House. My hand to God. If I’m going to masturbate to myself, it’s going to be my old self.

Hand to God? That totally means John calls his dick “God,” right? Makes sense.

Congratulations to John Stamos for finally getting to tell that story, and congratulations to us for knowing that there’s a jack off room somewhere that plays Fuller House. Is PedoBear the receptionist there? Shut that dark-sided place down immediately! And yes, I’m sure that John Stamos turned off the TV right away, and after catching his gorgeous reflection in the screen, he immediately got hard and blew a load that was so powerful it tore through the plastic cup. But I’m sure he immediately grabbed a new cup, looked at his gorgeous reflection again, and busted another one in no time, because nothing gets John Stamos off like the stunning sight of John Stamos.

John’s fap room tale is at the 3:23 mark below:

Pic: YouTube

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