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November 4, 2018 / Posted by:

Pizza Party!

The golden era of board games seemed to be the 80s, and I might only be saying that because I was a child of the 80s, but like cereal, it seemed like there was a board game for absolutely everything. Case in point: the board game about fucking pizza. The cover of the game was a lot more exciting than the actual game itself. That cover is giving me STORY with the pepperoni throwing coy fuck-me-eyes at the mushroom who definitely wants some of that meat. Meanwhile, the bell pepper and onion are dancing on the pepperoni’s dead relatives while obviously high as hell.

The game was pretty simple: every player gets a pizza slice with six open slots to hold cardboard discs of different toppings (pepperoni, mushroom, bell pepper and onion). I really wish there was a pineapple topping disc, because it would’ve made the game more exciting with all the pineapple pizza-hating tricks heaving over the thought of pineapple mixing with cheese. The topping discs are laid face down on the table and players take turns flipping them over. Your goal is to get the same topping disc on your slice. So you’re not really building a pizza, because what kind of weird freak wants nothing but bell peppers on their pizza slice?! There were also “switch” discs and you could use it to steal another player’s slice.

I know, “open slots,” “topping,” and “switching.” And this game was for children!

Pizza Party was a simple memory game, which means that if my weed-eaten brain played it now, I’d quit within 20 seconds since my sense of memory is nothing but a distance memory. And I’d probably mistake the pepperoni disc for an actual pepperoni and eat it, and it’d still taste more delicious than anything Papa John’s has served up.

Pic: Geeky Hobbies

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