Frankie Grande Is In A Throuple

November 3, 2018 / Posted by:

Because marital bliss isn’t achieved until you introduce a screaming-for-attention, “social media mogul” into your bedroom on a permanent basis. Ariana Grande’s brother Frankie Grande was at Bette Midler’s charity “Hulaween” event in NYC this past Sunday (was he catering?) with two other dudes also done up like space twinks. UsWeekly asked him about his dates and he revealed that he is currently in a “throuple” with them. Meanwhile, Bette Midler looked over and wondered why the woman from UsWeekly was talking to the help?

Frankie says that he’s the “new addition” to Mike and Daniel’s marriage.

“These are my boyfriends. [We’ve been dating for] almost three months, but in the gay world, it’s like five years.”

Yes, please keep talking about “the gay world” because we don’t already have enough problems with red state pinheads thinking we came down from Planet Sodom and Gomorrah to terrorize their asses. The human version of Starbucks’ Unicorn Frappuccino was obviously feeling the hurt that stems from when your sister gets all the attention in the family because he started talking about dick.

When asked what the best part about being with Daniel is, Grande got candid with Us. “He said his d—k,” the Big Brother alum revealed, later adding that Daniel is “very smart. So is Mike, Mike is also very smart.”

Firstly, truthiness will get you places, so brava, Frankie. Secondly, poor Mike, huh? He probably had next to no idea that he was the Velma to Frankie and Daniel’s Daphne and Freddy.

Frankie’s next catering gig took him to Heidi Klum’s party on Halloween, and he elaborated on what it’s like having his, his, and his cumrags under the bed.

“I’m the new addition,” the dancer said of romancing Daniel and Mike. When asked how their relationship works, Grande played coy: “Let’s just say it does.”

Girl, you talked about his cock on Sunday night and now you’re playing coy on Wednesday? Please! We’re happy for you that you met two hookers and the three of you hatched some wacky plan for attention and to bolster your Doublelist ads, but you can’t open a two dicks in a box and then pretend you didn’t!

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gotta love a ring light. 💡

A post shared by Frankie James Grande (@frankiejgrande) on

As for being in a throuple, you do you but aren’t the logistics tiring? Being a married man myself, trying to figure out if sex is going to happen or if we’re just going to walk our dogs and then get through another depressing episode of Haunting of Hill House is difficult enough without another country being heard from.

Pic: Instagram

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