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November 2, 2018 / Posted by:

The legendary Garfield phone from the 1980s!

There were so many IT phones of the 1980s. There was the highly elegant victorian phone. As soon as you laid one finger on it, you instantly turned into a refined creature of opulence who only wore a marabou feathered peignoir, diamonds, and spoke in a perfect upper-class British accent (basically you transformed into Joan Collins). It was also impossible for you to put your pinky down when making a call on a victorian phone. Then there was the clear phone, which I had even though my room didn’t have a phone jack. I made it work by running a long phone line from another room to my room, and yes, everyone tripped on it. The perils of the non-cellphone days!

And today we pay homage to the Garfield phone.

Tyco put out a Garfield phone sometime in the 1980s. It was a plastic Garfield whose perma-stoner eyes opened when you picked up his phone receiver back. That was pretty much its only feature, and back then, it was pretty spectacular. Prepare to be WOWED!

It’s easy to find a Garfield phone nowadays. Just troll eBay or the yard sale of a 40-something-er. Even though nobody really uses landlines anymore, the Garfield phone needs to make a comeback with new highly advanced features. Like, it shouldn’t work at all on Mondays, it should say “Don’t pick up, an asshole is on the other end” when someone you don’t want to talk to calls, and it should come with a Nermal companion phone that your annoying family member or roommate can pick up while you’re on a call and it’ll interrupt by screaming, “It’s Nermal, the world’s cutest kitty cat” on a loop.

Actually, scratch all that. The new and improved Garfield phone should just immediately order lasagna from the local Italian restaurant when you pick it up. Get on that, Postmates!

Pic: Pinterest

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