Little Monsters everywhere turned off their hearing aids today because Lady Gaga is surely shrieking up a storm that Natalie Portman is coming for her Oscar weave by basically playing Gaga in a piece of Oscar bait. I heard a while ago that Natalie was going to singe our eyeballs in the name of her craft by playing an unhinged pop star. I just assumed it meant she was going to regurgitate everything Britney Spears did circa 2007, but this just screams “Ra ra, bitch!” It kind of looks like her Black Swan character decided to try on a Jersey accent and complement it with a heavily moussed hairdo.
Entertainment Weekly says the premise of the movie is that Celeste, played by Natalie, survives a school shooting before going on to become the world’s biggest pop star. It flashes forward to Celeste in her adult years where she’s full of rage and apparently armed with metallic silver hairspray and pissed over losing out on childhood because of the shooting. Celeste can’t catch a break because the night before she’s supposed to rock out at an arena in her hometown, terrorists break into a resort and open gunfire. She also has to put up with Jude Law attempting an American accent as her manager. No wonder she hits the bottle so hard.
We hear what faintly sounds like the instrumental start to Cyndi Lauper’s “Girls Just Want To Have Fun,” so I’m really hoping Celeste is a pop star who only performs Cyndi covers. Unfortunately, that isn’t the case. There’s all sorts of strife and scream acting, and I guess Sia wrote the soundtrack, and Natalie sang all her music. Sorry, Gaga. Maybe you can try for a spot in Cats and have a better shot at Oscar?