That sneaky Jennifer Garner has been lying to us! The recent reports about what’s been in Jennifer’s wallet only revealed that she was “open to dating”, but it turns out she’s been stuffing condoms in her wallet for the last six months! Us Weekly reports that Jen’s been dating John Miller, a tech CEO who makes hamburger flipping robots for an In-N-Out knockoff called CaliBurger. Sources say “They’ve been together six months — and it’s getting pretty serious”. And to think, this whole time she was throwing us off her trail by driving Ben to Jack In The Box instead!
Us Weekly says:
Miller, 40, is the CEO of CaliGroup, a company that owns Miso Robotics and a chain of about 50 CaliBurger restaurants. Like Garner, he was previously married.
Us Weekly ads:
Another source adds that Garner and the CaliBurger founder “met through her group of friends,“ and that “it’s a nice change of pace that he’s not an actor or even well known.”
Good for Jen! I hope John treats her right and is not a super sinister robot overlord as I suspect he might be. Us Weekly says that John “has a 12-year-old son and 10-year-old daughter”, but they don’t mention how he wants to build a machine that recognizes your face with the purpose of stealing your soul.
Despite his plans for global domination through the systematic burgerization of the human race, ex-husband Ben Affleck is just fine with the relationship. He just wants her to be happy. And what else could he say, really? He’d have a lot of damn nerve squawking about who, or WHAT, Jen can and can’t date. But I’m not sure people (you, US Weekly, Jen, Ben) are sufficiently suspicious of what this seemingly mild-mannered “average Joe” is capable of. Sheeple! Is this the kind of world we want to live in?
Hold your children close tonight. It won’t be long now until a weird reverse-butt robot wearing a white athletic sock (smock?!) is flipping YOU.