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October 24, 2018 / Posted by:

Harriet, the opera donkey!

Billboard reported today that Mariah Carey’s planned album Caution and the world tour to promote it have both been scrapped, because she has locked herself in her pink marble encrusted bathroom and is punching her cashmere Hello Kitty doll over the fact that a new elusive chanteuse has hit the scene, and this elusive chanteuse can hit notes that Mimi’s vocal cords could never get close to touching. Meet Harriet, an operatic songbird who just so happens to be trapped in the body of a donkey.

A man named Martin Stanton was walking near his home in Galway, Ireland when his ears were gently tickled by the sound of a soprano angel. Martin most likely wondered when did Maria Callas rise from the dead and why is she doing a concert in Galway Ireland. But then his eyes and ears burped out a river of WTFs when he realized that the gorgeous musical notes were coming out of a donkey. Since then, Martin has regularly visited Harriet and took a video of her to share her gifts with the world. Get yourself a super-absorbent beach-sized towel, because you’re going to need it to soak up the tears that will flow out of your ears from Harriet’s stunningly beautiful voice:

Even though she smokes 2 packs a day (that’s the only explanation for that cough), her voice is as delicate and pure as the dazzling sparkle on a crystal chandelier in heaven’s foyer. I haven’t heard an ass sing like that since my ass sang over Alexander Skarsgard going naked in True Blood.

When The Three Tenors went on tour, moms everywhere sold the internal organs of their children on the black market to buy tickets. So the black market internal organs industry is about to get a boost, because moms are going to be selling their children’s to buy tickets to see The Lone Soprano (starring Harriet and Harriet alone).

Pic: YouTube

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