…..walk into a bar.
At the tippity top of the episode, I beg the universe and ask Allison to please pray for me to win the Mega Millions and Power Ball lotteries. I promise to do good with the money by preserving art (read: buying the rights to The Golden Girls so nobody can reboot it) and also using some to try to buy the love of a man who will never look at me even if I threw $970 million at him. Then Allison and I get into Roseanne’s disgust over how ABC killed her character, Keira Knightley and Kristen Bell’s disgust over some princess stories, and a high school student’s disgust over a classmate allegedly giving him a cookie spiked with her grandaddy’s ashes. The topics of Sex Dolls modeled after a dead spouse and Kleenex cum rags also come up (pun intended), so clearly this episode was co-produced by The New York Times.
We end by asking you all to send in scary stories for our Halloween episode. No, you watching the news while sober isn’t a scary story. Actually it is, but that’s not the kind of scary story we’re looking for. E-mail us at firstname.lastname@example.org if you’ve got one!