Night Crumbs

Kimberly-Clark, the makers of Kleenex, are changing the name of their “Mansize” tissues to “Kleenex Extra Large” after complaints about sexism. So that means that when a bro busts a nut, he’s going to have to use a lady Kleenex since man Kleenexes don’t exist anymore. And that means that their totally manly jizz is going to knock up Kleenexes and we’re going to have a bunch of unwanted little Kleenex babies running around everywhere. Thanks a lot, feminists! – Pajiba

In other words, there’s millions of people out there (or thousands since a movie ticket costs like $1,000 each nowadays) who have that damn “aaaahm off da deeeeep eeeeend” song stuck in the crevices of their brain like me – Lainey Gossip

Aubrey O’Day is looking more and more like an off-brand, factory-defected Kardashian rubber doll, which means she’s looking way hotter and more elegant than the Kardashians themselves – Drunken Stepfather

Poke at me (wink wink) when scientists come up with a pill that self-lubricates your b-hole – Towleroad

If Jeff Lewis uses Grindr, it’s going to crash every time he opens it up, because he just messed with a higher-up member of the Gay Mafia – Reality Tea 

I don’t know if Naomi Osaka got herself a date with Michael B. Jordan, but I do know that she got him to show everyone his nipples again, and for that I thank her – Celebitchy

Dakota Johnson is serving tons of fucking sequins with a side of “again, I ain’t pregnant, bitches” – Popoholic

Pic: Kimberly-Clark